The Aftermath, Chapter 1 - The Phone Call
by Askait Amara
Summary: What happened after the storm. This is an Arizona/Lauren positive piece. It is rated M at the moment, though no flash back or future sex scenes have been written at this point. Eventually, I hope for some heat.
1. Chapter 1

The Aftermath

Chapter 1 - The Phone Call

By Askait Amara

I do not own the characters. They belong to the writers and producers of Grey's Anatomy.

Arizona walked the long hallway to her apartment. She felt tired and alone. Therapy with Callie had not gone well that afternoon. Just when she thought they were making progress, she'd realize they weren't. Every stone they overturned required scrutiny, and every time she tried to express her feelings about having trusted Callie to save her leg, her indiscretion with Lauren was thrown in her face.

Arizona had not consciously had an affair with Lauren to "even the score," as Callie so venomously accused her of doing today. Truth be known, she still didn't fully understand why she had an affair with Lauren, other than she felt utterly swept away by the way Lauren saw her as whole, intelligent, strong and desirable. Granted, being swept away was not a reason to cheat and Arizona abhorred infidelity.

Before Callie, Arizona had bedded her fair share of women and always kept things simple, making no commitments. She didn't want to find herself in the situation she was in now. She wondered if the same was true for Lauren. This thought made her sigh deeply. "How did I get here," she asked herself. "How can I fight for some form of relationship with my spouse while being preoccupied with an attraction to another woman?"

Arizona's new apartment had a spectacular view of the city and was within walking distance of the hospital. There was plenty of space for Sofia, which was her priority when signing the lease. It wasn't home though and the two days a week she had custody of her daughter didn't feel like enough. She was grateful Callie so willingly agreed to shared-custody that she didn't think to ask for more time. She desperately wished she could go back to that night eight months earlier when she asked Callie to buy a house instead of a hospital. She would have insisted that Callie hear her out and at least consider it. On some level, she knew that had they moved away, she might never have met Lauren. This realization brought up mixed emotions. What happened between her and Lauren helped her to identify feelings she wasn't even aware of having.

Arizona opted for a cup of tea and warm blanket, rather than dinner. It had been two days since the board voted to offer Lauren the Bryson surgery. Avery was set on bringing her back and insisted there wasn't a better surgeon in the country for the case. Callie was furious over the suggestion and her no vote raised as many eyebrows as Arizona's abstention. At the end of the day, however, Avery made valid points and it was decided that Lauren would be invited back.

After a second cup of tea, and two solid hours of contemplation, Arizona decided to call Lauren. They'd spoken only once since the night Callie saw her wearing Arizona's scrubs. Their conversation consisted of Arizona asking that she be the one to make contact, when ready. Arizona lifted her weary frame from the couch, walked to the window, inhaled deeply, and dialed.

Arizona felt her stomach drop the instant she heard Lauren softly and slowly say, "Hey you." She noticed a slight rasp in Lauren's voice and immediately remembered the time difference. "Hey, I'm sorry. I didn't realize how late it was there," she said nervously.

"No need for an apology. It's okay. I'm up and it's nice to hear your voice," Lauren said with a slight lilt at the end of her sentence.

Arizona couldn't help but smile at the sound of Lauren's Southern accent. Her warm vocals and subtle drawl were two of the many qualities she found attractive about her. She closed her eyes and told herself to keep it professional, "I need to talk to you about a work matter, if that's okay?"

"Of course. I was hoping you'd call. I want to be respectful of our agreement, but I have something to run by you, if that's alright?"

"So, Avery called you?"

"Yes, yesterday."

"And you haven't answered him yet?"

"No. I wanted to hear what you were thinking before making any decision."

Arizona paused. Lauren had done exactly what she asked of her. She hadn't called, and even now when she had a reason to, she didn't. A moment of panic surged through her veins and for a split second she wondered if Lauren had moved on. She felt the weight of the past several months crash down around her and wanted to cry. She tried to speak, but couldn't.

"Arizona?" Lauren whispered.

Lauren's inflection stirred something deep within Arizona. It brought her back to that night in the On-Call room when their bodies were pressed together in such incredible passion. She put a hand on the window ledge in front of her, steadied herself, and focused. "Did Avery give you the details on the Bryson baby?"

"Yes. It sounds complicated and to be honest I don't know if it can be done the way he envisions."

"Are you considering it?" Arizona asked and held her breath awaiting a response.

After a short pause, Lauren replied, "Not if it complicates things for you."

Arizona let out an audible sigh. She had yet to make up her mind whether she wanted to see Lauren again, but the way Lauren was letting her take the lead with the Bryson case was making her think. The past few months of individual therapy had taught her that acknowledging her feelings was an important step in the recovery process. At the same time, she was a doctor and would not let her personal needs dictate what level of care Grey Sloan Memorial offered its patients. She closed her eyes, mustered strength, and said, "I don't know if my feelings should be factored into this decision. This is about the Bryson baby."

"Arizona, I think personal feelings should be considered at this point. For me, the surgery is secondary. All I really want is a chance for us to talk about what happened. I can easily recommend another doc. It's not a problem; I do it from time to time. So, just say the word and I'll bow out gracefully. Dr. Avery will understand."

Lauren's words brought tears to Arizona's eyes. There were so many things she liked about the woman on the other end of the line. Their communication always came easily and the fact that Lauren was consistently clear about what she wanted was beyond admirable. Suddenly, she felt ready to see her again and without hesitation asked, "Would you be willing to fly in a day early so we can meet in person?"

"Absolutely! I would like that a lot," Lauren said, her voice revealing genuine excitement.

"Me too," Arizona replied noticing how the timbre of her own voice had softened to a near whisper. She wanted to say more, but wasn't sure. She paused and took comfort in the silence.

"Arizona?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you want me to agree to the consultation?"

Arizona knew Avery was right and that Lauren was the best surgeon for the case. She also knew Lauren was more than capable of separating the personal from the professional. She did it superbly that night in the NICU. She closed her eyes and said, "I do. We can figure out how to approach it when we talk."

"Okay, I will let Dr. Avery know tomorrow and wait to hear from you when and where you'd like to meet."

Arizona heart pounded in her chest. The idea of spending time with Lauren again flooded her senses. She knew she needed to get off the phone before she started nervously rambling on. "Well, I know it's late there, so I'll let you go. Sleep well."

"You too, and Arizona?"

"Yeah." she whispered.

"Thanks for calling."

"Uh hmm, Arizona husked. Good night."

"Good night."

Arizona stood at the window and watched the city lights sparkle. She couldn't move away from the glass. Something unimaginable held her there, suspended in time. She watched intently as sparkling lights slowly blurred and her reflection appeared before her. The months of sleepless nights had been hard on her and she couldn't remember the last time she smiled at someone other than Sofia, yet there she was, smiling ever so slightly and looking very much like the person she was before the plane crash. Seeing herself in this way made her realize that she'd just taken one step in Lauren's direction. She wasn't ashamed or alarmed by this. She knew they needed to talk, for closure if nothing else. Closure was far from her mind, however. She wanted Lauren as a lover, and she wanted the Callie she used to know as a wife. She knew she couldn't have both, but if she were honest with herself, and them, she might be able to find a place of peace within her heart. All she could do now was accept the fact that in this moment, unanswered questions and uncertainty were her reality. Trying to force a decision, by not making one, hadn't worked. She was going to have to identify what was best for her, and what she wanted most. She took a long hard look into the glass, acknowledged the woman who stood before her, and turned to walk slowly into her bedroom-making a mental note along the way to call her therapist in the morning.


	2. Chapter 2

The Aftermath - Chapter 2 - Lauren

I do not own the characters and make no claims to them. They're property of Grey's Anatomy.

Lauren selected End Call and held the phone to her chest. She'd spent the last several months processing what happened in Seattle and had literally swung back and forth between wanting to pursue a relationship with Arizona and wanting to give her time and space.

She found the sway from one extreme to another utterly exhausting. She'd been losing sleep and knew she had to do something quick. She doubled her weekly running routine, hoping the physical exhaustion would give her mind a rest. It did and eventually she felt strong enough to organize her thoughts. Her breakthrough moment came during an early morning run when it occurred to her that she could give Arizona exactly what she asked for, and still wish for an opportunity to continue their connection. She suspected there was something more than an emotional and physical attraction between them and at the same time was terrified that if she made contact too soon, she would not get the result she hoped for.

Lauren managed the state of uncertainty by limiting how much time she allowed herself to be preoccupied with thoughts of Arizona. She also found that when she did give herself permission to think about Arizona, it helped to imagine what she might be going through, rather than how much she missed her. Focusing on Arizona's needs, rather than her own, soothed the dull ache of constant longing. A longing that had she tried to control or disappear would surely have wreaked havoc and sent her impulsive tendencies into overdrive. The last thing she wanted to do was show up on Arizona's doorstep unannounced, something she knew she was capable of doing.

Impulse control was something Lauren had spent a lot of time thinking about since leaving Seattle. She truly regretted coming on to Arizona as strongly as she did. She was so unimaginably caught off guard by the sexual energy between them that she never once stopped to consider the larger picture. Her heart ached at the thought of Arizona hurting her daughter and she felt sorry for the pain her actions caused Callie. Deep within, she wished for an opportunity to go back to that night in the on-call room when Arizona extended her hand to say goodbye. Knowing now, what she didn't know then, she'd have taken it and let Arizona walk away. This is not to say she would have let her attraction to Arizona go, she simply would have found a different way to communicate her desire for a more meaningful connection, and one that wouldn't have resulted in irrevocable harm.

In many ways, Lauren considered what happened between her and Arizona a life lesson. The fact that she was home alone, at this very moment, pressing a phone to her chest spoke volumes. She had no desire to apologize for being a powerful, intelligent, successful, and extremely driven woman, but she did want to acknowledge that she rushed things, when she shouldn't have. Now she is being given the chance to do exactly that.

Lauren smiled, lifted her lithe body from her dining room chair, and walked across her living room to a North West facing window. She inhaled deeply and let out a long slow sigh. She let her mind linger on the softness of Arizona's voice. She mulled over the content of their conversation. She thanked her lucky stars for Dr. Avery's call. Sleep would not come easily. but it mattered none, for she was perfectly content standing there, phone in hand, and reveling in the view of city lights sparkling before her.


	3. Chapter 3

Aftermath – Chapter 3 – Dr. Eden, Wednesday

I do not own these characters. They are property of Grey's Anatomy. Well, wait that's not true, Dr. Eden is mine, but everyone else belongs to Grey's Anatomy.

Arizona was running late. She normally kept a tight schedule, but today, on her way to meet with Dr. Eden, she couldn't resist stopping for a cup of coffee from the vender where she and Lauren met. Truth be known, she had a difficult time staying away from the place over the past few months. She'd go there periodically and indulge in the memory of the woman who completely unraveled her. She'd purchase the same beverage, joyfully over sugar it, sit in a nearby waiting room, and sip slowly. She'd take note of the sensation as the bold flavors roused her senses. She'd relax as the sweet heat filled her weary body. She'd let go.

Arizona had slipped away for coffee so many times now that a pattern developed. Something would happen at work, something that would upset her or make her day-to-day responsibilities twice as strenuous, and in response, she'd flee the situation for coffee and recollections of Lauren. She knew that what she was doing was a form of escape, but she didn't care. It was a diversion that lifted her mood. She could literally close her eyes, bring back the sensation of sexual attraction, and feel strength reverberate in her body and mind. She thought she should feel guilty about this, but she didn't. This is not to say she lived guilt free. Nothing could be further from the truth. She just simply did not feel guilty that another woman's attraction toward her had awakened and rekindled her underlying sense of self. Her lack of guilt was something she wanted to speak with Dr. Eden about, as well as the fact that she'd made plans to see Lauren.

As the elevator doors opened, Arizona put her thoughts on hold, stepped out, and entered Dr. Eden's office to find her in the reception area pouring a cup of tea.

Hey, thanks for seeing me so quickly. I'm sorry I'm a bit late," Arizona said walking toward her.

Dr. Eden looked up and smiled. "Not a problem," she said in a soft comforting manner. "Refill?" she added, nodding toward the carafe on the table in front of her.

"No thanks," Arizona said lifting her cup. "I'm good."

Dr. Eden smiled a second time and led them to her office where Arizona anxiously divulged the instant the door was closed. Before her backside even hit the cushion, she blurted out, "I spoke with Lauren."

Dr. Eden made soft eye contact, lowered herself slowly into a chair, crossed her legs, leaned back, and gently asked, "How did that happen?"

"I, well, I mean the hospital asked her to consult on a case, and I felt I needed to call her to see if she was going to take it or not."

Arizona watched Dr. Eden nod slowly. She searched her face for signs of disapproval, disappointment, and shock, and found none. She let out a long slow sigh and listened as the woman across from her inquired lightly, "And is she going to take the case?"

"Yeah, well we talked about it and yes she'll be here next week."

"You made the decision together?"

"Yeah, well no, I mean, I kind of made it for her. She said she'd recommend another surgeon if I wanted her to and that she didn't want to complicate things for me. I just didn't feel that was necessary. This hospital should offer its patients the best care available and Lauren is an amazing surgeon."

Arizona caught herself smiling at the sound of her own voice praising Lauren's surgical skills. She'd been painfully honest with Dr. Eden about her feelings of attraction toward Lauren and Dr. Eden had been extremely supportive of Arizona taking as much time as she needed before saying she did, or didn't, want to see her again. Arizona also felt incredible relief around the fact that she didn't have to defend her actions, or Lauren's, while in her company. In couples therapy with Dr. Striefland, she felt like she was constantly having to defend herself, and Lauren. In fact, she was exhausted by the way Callie continually shifted the focus away from what was going wrong in their marriage to what she felt was wrong with Arizona and Lauren for choosing to hurt her the way they did.

Arizona closed her eyes and let a comfortable silence fill the room. Moments of quiet between herself and Dr. Eden weren't unusual. She'd realized early on that it was Dr. Eden's way of giving her time to think. She cherished the opportunity, actually. Since the plane crash her thoughts had often become quite jumbled and the extra time proved helpful.

"It sounds like Lauren has been very mindful of your needs, Arizona." Dr. Eden said quietly breaking the silence.

Uncertain as to how long she had been lost in thought, Arizona sat up straight and focused, "Yes, she has. It helped me to realize I wanted to see her again, so I asked her to come in a day early so we can talk."

"Have you thought about what seeing her might feel like?"

Arizona noticed her heartbeat accelerate at this question. It seemed to her that she'd thought of nothing else. She inhaled deeply and told herself to be honest. That this was the one place in her life at the moment where she could speak freely about her feelings and not be judged. In her core, she knew Dr. Eden was there to help and that the one person in the triad she wanted the best for was Arizona. "Amazing," she confided. "I think that seeing her again will feel amazing. I mean, I know the guilt I feel for having cheated on Callie will still be there, but even when I was drowning it, like I was that night in the NICU, there were moments when Lauren was so supportive and encouraging that I felt absolutely amazed by her. Amazed at her belief in me; amazed at how much she wanted me; amazed at the way we… Arizona stopped herself. She was starting to feel overwhelmed with emotions and her breathing had become ragged.

"It's okay Arizona, just breathe. You're safe here."

Arizona watched Dr. Eden lean forward in a gesture of concern. She'd heard her words and repeated them in her head. "Just breathe." She then thought of how she and Dr. Eden had discussed so many painful things in the past few months, some of which caused Arizona and incredible amount of discomfort. They had worked on coping strategies and agreed that the more she talked about her feelings, the stronger she would feel. She met Dr. Eden's soft gaze and said, "There is just something about her. I wish I could explain it with words that make sense. I mean, I've been sexually attracted to women like her before; women just as powerful and strong; just as driven and just as intelligent. I was attracted to Callie the same way. So the sexual draw is nothing new to me, but with Lauren there's something else; something beyond sexual, something I can't identify. I was thinking about it on the way here. When I'm with her, I don't feel shattered or broken. I know that I shouldn't look to another person for that kind of wholeness, and normally I don't. Before the plane crash, I didn't; or I wouldn't have needed another person to… " Arizona realized she couldn't finish her sentence. Sharing her feelings so freely just now had raised an epiphany. Sofia made her feel strong and whole. She didn't feel shattered or broken around her daughter either. She closed her eyes, put her face in her hands and sobbed.

"Arizona, there's no doubt that your connection with Lauren has had a huge impact. Sometimes people come into our lives for a reason and what they bring with them can have an overwhelming effect. Lauren might be a great teacher for you, in any setting. She can be someone you knew for three days, or she can be someone you can continue to know. You really do get to decide."

Arizona held her face in her hands. One decision by Dr. Avery to bring Lauren back and she felt turned inside out again.

"Arizona, you and I made an agreement early on that I would not be playing the role of marriage counselor. Instead I'll help you identify what you need to be happy again. If you're not ready to close the door on your connection with Lauren, you don't have to; but you do need to figure out what you want it to look like. You told me when we first met that she disclosed liking you, "a lot." This seems to me to indicate that she would like something more than a friendship, but do you?"

"I don't know. I mean, there's a part of me that wants to explore a relationship with her, but there's another part of me that knows a friendship at this point would be far less complicated. Even though I've moved out, I'm still married. I mean, how can I work on my marriage and date someone?"

"I don't know that you can. How would Callie feel about it?"

"Well, I'm not sure she'd be open to it, but I do think she should be. I made huge adjustments with Mark. Not only was he her best friend, and someone she slept with before we got together, and again when I was in Africa, but he was the father of our child and had partial say in how we raised our daughter."

Okay then, this is the hard part, Arizona. You don't have to decide today, but you do need to figure out, at some point in the near future if you want to stay connected to Lauren enough to change the situation you're in with Callie.

Arizona inhaled deeply and let out a long slow sigh. Here it is, she thought to herself, the moment of truth. She mustered strength and said, "I think Callie and I need a time-out from couples therapy. At first we made progress, but now it seems we just fall into a rut. She blames me for cheating and not communicating my frustrations sooner, and I blame her for damaging a trust between us and for being overly focused on her own personal view of the world around her."

"When is your next appointment with Dr. Striefland?"

"This Friday."

"Do you think you will be able to say to Callie what you just said to me?"

"Yeah, maybe. This is the first time I've said it out loud, but I think it's the right thing to do," Arizona replied, feeling an overwhelming sense of relief as she did. She reached for a tissue, dried her eyes and took a deep breath. She felt a tiny bit of energy surge up her spine as she reached for her bag.

"Thanks, Dr. Eden. I appreciate it," she said softly.

"You're welcome Arizona. Before you go, I'd like to set up an appointment for us to meet once more before Lauren arrives."

"Yeah," Arizona whispered. "That would be good."

"When will you see her?"

"Next Tuesday."

"Okay, why don't you stop by Monday at 5pm?"

"Uh, hmm, okay, thanks. I'll see you then."

Arizona smiled at Dr. Eden and got up slowly to go. Walking to the door, she noticed lightness in her step. Once in the elevator, she took a sip of her now cold coffee. She savored the sweetness of the sugar and the boldness of the blend. Lauren's question, "Is this you?" resounded in her head. She smiled and humphed. "Yes, it's me," she said to herself, then added, "I may not be the woman I was a few months ago, but I am making my way back to the woman I once was."


	4. Chapter 4

Aftermath – Chapter 4 – Dr. Streifland.

I do not own any character in this story (other than Dr. Streifland). The rest belong to the writers and producers of Grey's Anatomy.

Arizona made a point of arriving at Dr. Streifland's office early. She took a seat in reception and focused on her breathing. She'd rehearsed what she wanted to say and how to say it. She'd even focused on the finer details, like where she'd sit and how she'd start the conversation.

She imagined Callie and Dr. Streifland doing what they'd always done. They would sit where they always sat, and approach the conversation the same way they always had. Only this time, things would be different. Arizona would be different. Instead of taking her usual place at the opposite end of the couch, she would stand near the window and lean her weight on the ledge, if need be. There was a chair she could choose, but it was closer to Callie than she was comfortable being. If she were going to say exactly what she wanted to say, she would need a safe physical distance between them. Without it, she knew she would feel tempted to look too deeply into the eyes of the woman she loved, but wasn't in love with anymore. Eyes that reminded her of all the pain and suffering her actions had caused. Eyes identical to their daughter's. This was the hardest part, really. She was terrified that she would look into Callie's dark pools, see Sofia's, and lose her nerve. She couldn't risk being unsettled in such a way. In her core, she knew it was wrong to consider staying in a relationship that didn't make her happy simply to avoid losing her daughter. Sadly, not a day went by that she didn't consider it.

Arizona knew Sofia was confused by the new living arrangements. She was a happy child, in general, and incredibly good-natured, but tears had become a regular part of goodbye. It was heart wrenching for all three of them. Callie had come up with a good workable solution, however. Instead of Arizona picking up and dropping Sofia at the apartment, they would use the hospital day-care as a mutual location. It seemed less disruptive for Sofia, worked better for her mothers' work schedules, and eliminated some of the strained conversation that often occurred during the exchange. That this arrangement was already in place brought Arizona great comfort. It was one less thing she had to worry about bringing up during their session.

Arizona noticed the clock on the wall read 4:03. She reached into her bag for her phone. With held breath she checked her messages. Nothing from Callie. "God, I hope she wasn't called to the ER," she said under her breath. As she did, Dr. Streifland stepped into the lobby.

"Hello," she said.

"Hi," Arizona replied.

"Callie left me a message a few minutes ago saying she's on her way. Why don't we wait for her in my office and I'll have reception walk her back when she arrives."

Arizona had never met with Dr. Streifland, alone. Quite frankly, she didn't like the idea of it and was taken aback by the suggestion. She imagined Callie coming in late and feeling uncomfortable with the two of them starting without her. She wasn't willing to do anything that would possibly make today's session even more difficult. "I think I'll wait for Callie here, thanks."

"Okay, I'll have reception walk you both back when she arrives."

"Great."

Callie arrived twenty minutes late and Arizona immediately sensed her anger. Callie had a tell and Arizona knew it well. "Here we go," she thought to herself.

"Everything all right?" she asked gently, hearing concern in her voice.

"Yeah, great! Everything is just great!" Callie said brushing past her to let the receptionist know she'd arrived.

Once in Dr. Streifland's office, Arizona watched Callie throw herself on the couch, slap her hands on her thighs, and tilt her head back to stare at the ceiling. Arizona looked over at Dr. Streifland, who was watching Callie. The entire scene sent Arizona's nervous system into high alert. This was going to be harder than she thought. She forlornly abandoning her plan to stand by the window and open with her decision to take a break from couples therapy. She slowly took her usual seat along side Callie and felt weariness settle into her bones.

"Arizona. Callie." Dr. Streifland said making eye contact with each as she said their name. "How was your week?"

Arizona waited for Callie to speak and heard nothing. This was unusual, as Callie was always the first to engage. She looked over and considered her silence. A wave of guilt washed over her. She surrendered to a sudden urge to care take and answered the dangling question. "My week was okay, a bit exhausting, but okay."

"Okay? Your week was okay?" Callie snapped. "Surely you can come up with a better adjective than that! How about fantastic? Why not say your week was fantastic!"

Feeling attacked, Arizona realized Callie wasn't withdrawing from the conversation, at all. Instead she was regulating it. She fired back, "What are you talking about?"

"You know damn well what I'm talking about!"

Arizona took a risk and looked deeply into Callie's eyes. She saw the same fierceness that had peered through the night she disclosed having an affair with Lauren. Tears swelled behind her eyes and in attempt to push them back, she closed them tight and bit her lip. She realized Callie was determined to make their entire session about Lauren. She quickly considered her options and decided it would be best if she were the one to introduce the topic. She turned to Dr. Striefland and said, "Dr. Avery is bringing Dr. Boswell back for a consultation."

"I see," Dr. Streifland said quietly. Callie, it seems like this is upsetting you. Am I correct in my assessment?"

Callie returned her head to the cushion and refocused her gaze on the ceiling. She offered nothing.

Arizona's mind flashed back to one of their first sessions with Dr. Streifland. It was before they were wedged into the rut of blame. Back then; she felt safe enough to describe her feeling of numbness. She worried Callie might be experiencing the same kind of numbness. "Calliope," she whispered.

Callie closed her eyes and Arizona felt her heart ache in a whole new way. She watched as a solo tear slid from the corner of Callie's eye and ran down her face and neck. In that moment, she knew words would never fully heal their wounds.

After several long tedious moments of deafening silence, Dr. Streifland inquired, "Arizona, how do you feel about Dr. Avery inviting Dr. Boswell back?"

Arizona felt cornered by the question. She told herself not to come out swinging. She didn't want to have this discussion. It wasn't what she planned. Why she hadn't prepared for it was beyond her. Of course Dr. Avery's decision would come up. Why wouldn't it? What was she thinking? Every time she saw Callie this week, she was on edge. In utter frustration she resigned to speaking her truth, "I think it is Grey Sloan Memorials responsibility to offers its patients the best quality surgeons available. Dr. Boswell is a good fit for this case. I think we can all agree to take a purely professional approach."

"A purely professional approach?" Callie retorted. "How can you say that, Arizona! Boswell's return is NOT purely professional and you know it!"

Arizona felt her own tears fall. She covered her eyes with her palms and said, "I can't do this anymore. I am not the one who called Dr. Boswell for a consult. This surgery is purely cosmetic and one hundred percent Dr. Avery's. Hell, I even abstained from the vote to bring her back. I have spent nearly three months trying desperately to make amends for what I've done and quite frankly I believe it's time I'm let off the hook."

"Why, because you're not the one who wanted her back. That's why you think you should be let off the hook? You're unbelievable, Arizona!"

Arizona heard sheer venom in Callie's voice. At once, it saddened and angered her. Without hesitation she repeated, "I can't do this anymore."

"Do what, Arizona! Do what?" Callie said tersely.

Arizona turned her body toward Callie and said, "This! I can't do this! I can't undue what I did. I know I hurt you, and I will never be able to express how sorry I am for that. I know my actions damaged a trust between us-one that will likely never be restored. I take full responsibility for that. I do, but I just cannot do **_this_** for one more second. We're not talking about the fact that we've both made mistakes in our marriage. We're just tearing each other down. I want to take a break from therapy."

"Take a break? You want to take a break! Well how perfectly convenient! Just in time for you to fuck Boswell again, right?"

Arizona felt Callie's accusation hit her square in the chest. In a moment of clarity, she realized there was some truth in what Callie had just said. While she had no plans of being intimate with Lauren, she was preoccupied with wanting to see her and wanting to be around someone who made her feel at ease. Fully accepting the gravity of her words, Arizona said, "Maybe we need more than just a break from therapy!"

Callie brusquely turned her entire body toward Arizona and yelled, "Yeah, well the third times a charm now isn't it, Arizona!"

"Excuse me?"

"Oh, you are just incredible. Are you really going to pretend you don't know what I'm talking about? The first time you broke up with me was because I wouldn't let go of my dream to have a child. Then you broke up with me a second time because you thought I wasn't being supportive enough of your work in Malawi. Now, you're breaking up with me a third time so you can fuck some overly assertive peds surgeon who doesn't give a shit about whose home she wrecks."

Arizona was speechless. It was true that she had broken up with Callie twice before. And just like this time, neither of the two was planned. The fact that three times now she was able to decide, in a singular instant, to end things with Callie suddenly seemed significant. It was time to admit that their relationship had always been a bit rocky and no matter how much they loved each other, they just couldn't find steady ground. It was time to admit that even though they were meant for each other, like so many of their friends suggested, their relationship had reached a limit as too how much crisis it could endure. It was time to admit that their marriage could not support the cumulative weight of a friends with benefits relationship with an ex that resulted in an unplanned pregnancy, a lack of support for the Carter Madison Award, a nearly fatal car crash, a nearly fatal plane crash, a life altering amputation, and infidelity. It was time to admit that they each needed distance to figure out who they were as individuals.

Arizona slowly got up from her corner of the couch and walked to the door. A voice inside her head screamed, "What about Sofia?" She answered it calmly by thinking, "Time will tell. If Callie doesn't drop Sofia at the daycare tomorrow, the next step will involve an attorney and a petition for partial custody."

On her way out, Arizona heard Dr. Striefland say, "Arizona, are you sure you want to leave things like this? We could all take a little time to think things over and then regroup." She knew it was rude to not respond, but she hadn't the strength or desire to stay one minute longer. She focused on the sounds of her footsteps on the floor, her heart beating, her lungs breathing, and her blood rushing. She was in an incredible amount of emotional pain, and yet she felt very much alive. She was no longer numb; she was conscious of her actions and understood exactly what they meant.


	5. Chapter 5

Aftermath, Chapter Five – The Talk

I do not own all of these characters. Dr. Eden is mine and the rest belong to Grey's Anatomy and Co.

Arizona wiped the steam from her bathroom mirror. Within an instant, the glass fogged over again. She was not surprised. Hoping the curative water would calm her nerves and wash away anxiety, she took nearly a twenty-minute shower.

The idea of seeing Lauren shouldn't rattle her as much as it did, and yet butterflies performed gymnastics in her stomach and a tingling sensation danced lightly upon her skin. She sighed and ran well-manicured fingernails through long wet hair. Suddenly, something Dr. Eden said during their session yesterday resounded in her mind, "We don't pick attractions, Arizona. They just happen. Some people think it's as simple as pheromones, but I'm not entirely convinced. Attraction, like the one you describe with Lauren can be transformational."

Reaching into her dresser drawer, Arizona thought twice about which bra and panties to choose. At first, she selected a red set and then remembered wearing something similar the night she and Lauren hooked up in the On-Call room. She closed her eyes and let her mind relive the experience of Lauren's strong urgent fingers sliding under the soft fabric. Her body promptly shuddered and she took herself to task. She wasn't meeting with Lauren to have sex with her again; she was meeting with Lauren to talk about what had happened between them, and what it meant. Something else Dr. Eden said suddenly entered her mind. "Be kind to yourself, Arizona." She laughed out loud and told herself there was nothing wrong with wanting to feel sexy, but maybe red was a little too sexy." She opted for deep purple and solid fabric. Once on, she attached her prosthetic and looked in the mirror. She'd lost weight, but still looked healthy. Her favorite jeans would be a tiny bit looser and the black button-up she bought would cling to her curve perfectly.

The rains had finally let up and old man winter loosened his grip. Arizona was grateful for the reprieve in weather. She had asked Lauren to meet her at the Seattle Conservatory. It wasn't far from the hotel the hospital reserved for guest surgeons and would be a perfect place to talk. It was never overcrowded, had a delightful coffee kiosk, and a large amount of space to either walk in or find a nook to steal away. It was public enough to prevent too much intimacy, but private enough to allow for some.

Lauren had a limited amount of time to catch a cab from the airport, check in to the hotel, shower off the plane ride and meet Arizona. She wished her flight out of Asheville had not been delayed. She wanted to be calm and collected when they met, not unsettled or nervous.

Over the past several months, Lauren had spent a great deal of time examining her role in how quickly her friendship with Arizona had turned sexual. She could easily admit to feeling so comfortable around her that she took spontaneous risk; risk that resulted in bittersweet beauty and pain. She knew she wasn't alone in the attraction, but hindsight is twenty-twenty and she recognized that the second she detected an opening, she hastily moved in.

Lauren had no idea what happened between Arizona and Callie after they left the NICU that night. She thought Arizona might have told Callie the truth, though she couldn't be sure. She realized that even if Callie did know about the affair, it didn't necessarily mean they were over. She sensed from Arizona's tone over the phone that she wasn't angry with her for what had happened. Still, the words, "I made a mistake," echoed in her mind. She didn't want to be Arizona's mistake, not then, and not again.

Arizona checked herself in the rearview. She no longer found it difficult to hold her own gaze. One poor decision didn't make her a bad person; nor did it negate the countless honorable choices she'd made throughout her life. Destruction accompanies every major storm; just as footings and foundations emerge to prove some things are indestructible. Arizona was indestructible. She had consciously let go of a little bit of control and her actions ultimately led her back to herself. Back to the woman whose life goal was to help children. Back to the women who was genuinely light hearted, sexual, independent and driven. Back to her namesake-a good man in a storm.

Arizona scanned the entry way and realized she was the first to arrive. A flash of vulnerability coursed through her veins and she wondered if Lauren had changed her mind. She shoved the thought aside and walked over to the kiosk. She ordered two cups of coffee and waited at the end of the counter. Seconds later, she saw Lauren walk in. Light green hazel instantly found deep blue spheres.

"Hey," Lauren said softly, smiling broadly. She wanted to pull Arizona into her arms in greeting, but awaited an invitation.

"Hey," Arizona replied, smiling just as widely. She inched forward, held eye contact, and opened her arms.

Lauren stepped in slowly. The second she felt Arizona's embrace, months of second-guessing disappeared. She inhaled deeply and savored the scent of herbal shampoo, earthy perfume and something exclusively Arizona.

Arizona felt Lauren's chest rise as she inhaled. She loved the way their bodies fit together and how physically close Lauren held her. The strength of the lithe woman's embrace was not lost on her, either. The memory of Lauren leaning against the elevator wall with her long arms extended at her sides revealing perfectly defined biceps flashed in her memory. She stilled the image there, pulled away slowly and said quietly, "Thanks for coming."

"There's no place I'd rather be," Lauren replied with her usual light and easy cadence.

"Here you go," the barista said placing two cups on the counter beside them.

Both women looked at her, then at each other, and silently acknowledged the memory.

"Shall we sit?" Arizona said nodding toward an empty table at the far end of the room near a patch of indoor ferns and calamondin oranges.

Lauren nodded and said, "Sure."

Arizona handed her one of the two cups and stepped back to let Lauren lead the way. Once seated, she busied herself with sweetening her beverage.

Lauren watched, eyes sparkling.

When finished, Arizona looked up and chortled.

Lauren did the same. The sounds of laughter brought her back to that moment in the On-Call room when she and Arizona shared a very similar experience. It was an amused exchange bristling with the acknowledgment that they were interacting in a secret world of their own making. One where the only language spoken was the one they invented as they went along-discovering new ways of seeing each other and how the other navigated the world around them.

Arizona was overtaken by the fact that both she and Lauren hadn't once stopped smiling since they'd arrived. It reminded her of their time together at the hospital and how her face would literally ache after seeing her. "I've missed you," she said quietly.

Lauren, though slightly surprised by Arizona's straightforward approach, found it refreshing. "I've missed you too," she replied with a slight rasp. Then added, "It was so hard not to call."

"Uh hmm," Arizona acknowledge huskily. "Thanks for that. I really did need the time to think."

"Yeah, things got complicated, fast," Lauren said softly, her voice revealing concern.

There was so much Arizona wanted to say. She had just opened a door to a very intimate conversation with someone she hadn't spoken with in months, yet something about the softness in Lauren's eyes gave her confidence, so much confidence that she actually felt excited to share her thoughts and feelings.

"Callie and I split up," she said quietly and looked away the instant she finished her sentence.

Lauren wasn't sure how to respond. She had sensed early on that Arizona was unhappy in her marriage, but had no idea if the unhappiness was something they were working through. Unable to find words that seemed to fit the gravity of Arizona's disclosure, she nodded slowly.

From the corner of her eye, Arizona saw Lauren nodding. She leaned forward in her chair, rested her chin on the base of her palm and focused on tiny orange orbs dangling about. She took time to gather her thoughts and after a few moments restored eye contact and said, "What happened between you and I partially cost me my marriage, and at the same time, it helped me find myself."

Lauren let the words sink in and hoped that it wasn't an inappropriate time to share her feelings. "I'm so sorry, Arizona." she said sliding her fingertips across the table as she did. She didn't move in close enough to touch Arizona's hand, but couldn't stop herself from physically reaching out. "I should never have come on as strongly as I did. I still don't know why I didn't take a step back and consider the larger picture. I was just so swept away by how good it felt to be around you. How easy it was."

Arizona exhaled slowly. "I know. I felt the same way. And, I let it happen, Lauren. You were not alone in the attraction; we were in it together. Maybe you were a bit more assertive, but energetically we were on the same page."

Lauren felt weight lift from her shoulders. In a soft warm tone she asked, "You said that what happened between us helped you find yourself. How are you different now from the person you were then?"

"Hmmm," Arizona said appreciating the question. She cherished the fact that Lauren wanted to know and treasured the idea that Lauren was intrigued. It was flattering, to say the least. She collected her thoughts before answering, "In my relationship with Callie, I'd made compromises that ultimately caused me to shut down a part of myself and give up a lifelong dream."

Lauren tilted her head in a way that encouraged Arizona to say more.

"The Arizona I tucked away was confident, strong, compassionate and independent. She went after what she wanted, without hesitation, and accomplished great things. She won a Carter Madison and opened a peds clinic in Malawi, one that still thrives to this day. The Arizona I buried wouldn't have stopped there. She would have focused her attention on other impoverished areas and built other peds programs." Blood rushed to Arizona's cheeks and she suddenly felt embarrassed by listing accolades so freely.

Lauren's heart swelled at the sight of the beautiful woman before her blushing. Instinctively, she reached over, placed her hand on Arizona's, and ran her thumb over the soft skin quickly before gently pulling away. She didn't want to make Arizona feel uncomfortable with prolonged physical contact, but she desperately wanted her to know the value of what she was about to say, "Arizona, you **_are_** the woman you describe. I have never seen you any other way. I'm in awe of your strength and determination, compassion and intellect. It's what draws me toward you."

Arizona felt tears well behind her eyes. She did not fight them. Lauren's words and brief touch soothed an ache deep within her. One she'd carried for months, maybe years. She smiled slightly, let the tears fall, and said, "You do see me; the real me. It's something I hold close to my heart."

Lauren was touched. Arizona had made a small but significant disclosure about how she felt. She honored her words by not pushing for more. "Thank you for telling me this."

Arizona used her fingertips to wipe away her tears, gathered strength, and said, "I don't want our connection to end."

"I don't either," Lauren whispered. The past months of self-reflection taught her to not impulsively rush in, but she couldn't stop herself from asking, "If we had the chance to continue, how would you see it? I mean what would it look like?"

"Well, I've thought a lot about this," Arizona said feeling focused and clear. "I'd like for us to have the chance to date, if you're interested? If so, I was thinking we could take things slowly this time, and get to know each other. I mean, I feel like I know you already, and know you well, but realistically we've only had three days together."

Lauren smiled and touched Arizona's hand in earnest. "I would like that very much. We can take things as slow as you want; it would be good for both of us. As for the travel logistics, it's not a problem. I'm on the West Coast at least once a month and it's just as easy for me to fly to Washington as it is North Carolina.

Arizona felt a rush of confidence surge though her essence. She put her free hand over Lauren's and said, "Well, how about we go on our first date tonight and I will show you a side of Seattle that only a local can?"

"I can't think of anything else I'd rather do," Lauren said enthusiastically, her Southern drawl ringing through.


	6. Chapter 6

Aftermath, Chapter 6 – First Date.

I do not own any of these characters. They belong to Grey's Anatomy and Co.

Arizona, took note of how she and Lauren were dressed. Her casual attire combined with Lauren's low cut v-neck cashmere sweater and light form fitting chinos meant neither was dressed for being outdoors for extended periods of time. With this in mind, she made a mental list of nearby art galleries and casual fine dining venues that she liked or heard about. The first to surface in her mind was SOIL-an artist run gallery on 3rd. She hadn't been there since before she and Callie met and remembered how she used to love spending long afternoons wandering about the space. She'd seen some of the best work of her life there and purchased several pieces, which she reluctantly passed forward when moving in with Callie. The gallery space wasn't far from a popular new restaurant called Local360. She'd recently read a fantastic review of the chef and decided both SOIL and Local360 were perfect first date options.

"Do you like independent art and healthy food?"

"I do," Lauren said smiling, Southern drawl and all.

"Great," Arizona said and led the way to her car.

En route, Arizona took Lauren on a slow and easy windshield tour of Vashon Island. It was her favorite neighborhood in Seattle, hands down. V.I. was brimming with hipster novelty shops, independent coffee houses, refurbished turn of the century homes and gorgeous front yard gardens. It was also known for its genuine Queer friendly vibe. It seemed that same positive energy was alive and well at SOIL, also. The featured artist was a Queer identified woman named Judith Atlee. Both Lauren and Arizona immediately fell in love with her piece, The Giving. It was purposefully blurred with vertical streaks and featured a mix of soft colors and connected dots. If you stared intently, a shape emerged; one that looked a lot like a woman dancing.

"My mother would absolutely love this piece," Lauren said.

"Your mom likes indie art?" Arizona replied with a hint of surprise.

"All kinds of art, actually, but paintings mostly. I think I might buy this for her birthday next week and have it shipped. Do you mind? I don't think it will take too long."

"No, not at all," Arizona said smiling, "I think it's great that you'd give your mom a painting like this."

Lauren squeezed Arizona's forearm lightly and said, "I'll be right back," then walked away with her usual air of confidence."

Arizona couldn't take her eyes off Lauren. "Damn, she has the most sensual swag," she thought, then laughed inwardly because she didn't think she'd ever used the term swag before, let alone added sensual as an adverb. For the second time that day, Arizona took herself to task. Taking things slowly with Lauren was not going to be easy. Much of their connection was sexual, and denying that fact was impossible, never-mind ridiculous.

Lauren waited for the gentleman behind the counter to finish running her credit card. It was the first real moment she had to herself since meeting Arizona at the Conservatory earlier that afternoon. She took a quick overview of all that had transpired throughout the course of the day. Before leaving Ashville that morning, she would never had guessed that Arizona would move so quickly from a conversation about their affair to going out on a first date. She was a bit taken back. Things were moving forward, and quickly, and not because she was rushing, but because Arizona had opened the door. She decided she liked the feeling, but knew she needed to stay grounded in order to honor Arizona's request for a slow pace.

Arizona was grateful there were two stools at the bar where she and Lauren could wait for a table, especially considering the host said it could be at least an hour. She ordered a local red and was thrilled Lauren opted for the same. Their conversations always came easily and alcohol wasn't necessary, it was just a nice way to spend time. She liked that the physical closeness of their barstools allowed her the opportunity to really study Lauren's eyes. Several times now she'd noticed the color changed in different settings. In this moment, and in this light, her eyes were amber with flecks of green. She smiled, stared a little longer than necessary, and said nothing.

Lauren felt her breath hitch as she took in Arizona's gaze. She knew she was an attractive woman and was used to people looking at her a certain way, but something about the way Arizona just did, in that moment, moved her to her core. First-hand experience taught her how sexual a woman Arizona truly was. She had suspected early on that they'd connect extremely well on a sexual level and was far from wrong in her assessment. She preferred her sexual partners to have Arizona's self-assuredness and found she couldn't sustain an attraction to anyone whose touch was timid or shy. She returned Arizona's smile and held her gaze.

Arizona lightly ran the tip of her finger along the rim of her glass. "So, I really don't know that much about you, other than what I found on the Internet, and that was professional."

Lauren watched her finger trace the rim, sat up straight and focused. "Ask me anything."

"Yeah?" Arizona rasped.

"Sure, why not?" Lauren replied.

Arizona turned her entire body toward Lauren and said, "So, why craniofacial?"

"I had a family member with Apert Syndrome, so I grew up hearing a lot about it and saw first hand the affect it has on an individual. That's the easy answer, anyway. What about you? Why did you become a peds surgeon?"

Arizona respectfully stopped herself from pursuing the not-so-easy answer Lauren referred; instead, she replied, "My mom would tell you that I wanted to save kittens before I wanted to save newborns, but I don't remember it that way. I remember being given dolls as gifts and imagining that they had all sorts of illnesses and injuries. I'd draw on their skin where I thought their organs might be and dream up all sorts of ways of removing or repairing them. It was very telling, I guess, because in my childhood adults were always talking to me about growing up and becoming a doctor one day."

Lauren couldn't take her eyes off Arizona, nor could she stop herself from asking another question, "Did you grow up with a doctor in the family?"

"Hey now, Arizona teased, "How am I supposed to get to know you better if you ask follow up questions?" She then playfully leaning in and pressed her shoulder against Lauren's. "I love the topic though, so how about you answer and then I will?"

Lauren took a sip of wine and tilted her head acknowledging that she was guilty of asking questions rather than offering information. Her style had always been to gather information, especially in relationships. Her light-hearted nature put people at ease and saved her from having to share more than she wanted. Every now and then, however, someone would come along and do what Arizona just did and call her out. She felt a light airy sensation fill her head and realized that moment-by-moment she liked Arizona more and more. "My mom was a psychologist and focused on brain development. She placed a high value on education. Both of my parents did, actually. My dad was an engineer and extremely driven and medical school was a natural trajectory. Grades were extremely important growing up, and I was no stranger to hard work, so things just fell into place and here I am."

Arizona related to the image Lauren painted of her parents. She had suspected she and Lauren had similar upbringings. "Like you, I had parents who valued education and my father was also extremely driven. He was military so we move around a lot. I think this had a huge impact on the way I."

"I'm sorry to interrupt but your table is ready," the host said genuinely apologetic over breaking into their conversation. She'd tried waiting patiently for the right moment, but found the two so enthralled with each other that they were completely oblivious to anyone and everyone around them.

Dinner consisted of three fabulous courses; two cups of house roasted decaf and more back and forth about growing up with highly motivated parents. Each shared vivid memories of rookie mistakes made during their first year residencies, as well as success stories that helped shape their careers. Arizona spoke about Malawi and Lauren discussed her involvement in the HELP NOW project where she provided free facial reconstruction surgery to victims of domestic violence. Both women beamed as the other spoke and together they collectively mastered the art of eye sex. An outsider looking in would have bet money they were falling in love. Even their waitress was affected and smiled the entire time she served them.

On the drive from the restaurant to the hotel, Lauren remembered that she was in Seattle to consult on a case. Her focus the entire day had been on Arizona, not work. This was a good thing she thought and decided to wait until they were only a few blocks from the hotel before quietly asking, "Will I be seeing you at the hospital tomorrow?"

Arizona found a parking space near the entrance and put the transmission in park before responding, "Yes, I'm on the schedule. I don't know if I'll be as involved in this case as I was the Sims baby, but you never know. Right now she's entirely Dr. Avery's, though its not unusual for us to collaborate."

"Is there anything you need from me tomorrow that will make things easier for you?"

"I don't know, I mean, we're professionals right? We can focus on our work and keep **_this _**between us. If we do, I think we'll be fine."

Lauren agreed and appreciated the fact that when Arizona said, "this" she'd made a circular motion with her hand outlining something invisible between them. It seemed magical, somehow. It was as if she had waved an imaginary wand and solidified their bond. With aspiration and a slight rasp, she said, "This has been one of the best first dates I've been on Arizona Robbins. Thank you."

"Yeah, I'm so glad you came in early. It's really nice getting to know you and I had an amazing time," Arizona said, grateful for the shift in conversation. She didn't want to overthink working together again. She also didn't want to worry about Callie and how Callie might react if she were to see them together.

Lauren knew that the right thing to do in that moment was to say goodnight, but there was something else she needed to know. She bravely took a risk and asked, "Can we talk about one more thing?"

Arizona thought for a moment before answering. She didn't want to discuss her break-up and she didn't want to discuss her feelings beyond what she'd already shared. She decided that if Lauren asked her something she wasn't ready to talk about, she'd say so. "I'm all ears," she whispered.

Lauren removed her seatbelt, pulled one knee to her chest and sat sideways facing Arizona. In a voice that revealed a hint of vulnerability, she said, "Define slow."

Arizona, for the second time that day felt butterflies perform gymnastics in her stomach and a tingling sensation dance lightly upon her skin. She closed her eyes, inhaled deeply and ran her fingers through her hair. While exhaling, she realized that it really was up to her to decide. Lauren had been more than respectful of her situation and once again was willing to let her take the lead. Without second-guessing, she unlatched her own seat belt, leaned in, and kissed Lauren. She didn't take the liberty of lingering too long, but stayed long enough to enjoy the softness of Lauren's lips. After gently pulling away, she placed one hand on the side of Lauren's face and said, "How about we start here?"

Lauren nodded smiling. She pressed her lips together savoring every last trace of their kiss. Arizona had once again surprised her in an utterly delightful way. She placed her hand over Arizona's and said, "Well, I think that's a fantastic place to start."

"Me too," Arizona whispered.

Lauren reached for the handle, stole one more glance and said; "I'll see you tomorrow."

Arizona waited until she saw Lauren enter the hotel safely. The words, "I'll see you tomorrow," echoed softly in her mind. Lauren's cadence and inflection brought her back to that night in the elevator when, in a singular instant, their connection shifted from innocent flirtation to something more. Now, here they were, nearly three months later, navigating their attraction all over again; only this time they were doing so in the aftermath of an emotional storm that brought about incredible pain and transformation.


	7. Chapter 7

Aftermath, Chapter 7 – All in a Day

I do not own all of these characters. Dr. Eden is mine, but the rest belong to Grey's Anatomy and Co.

Arizona arrived for work no later or earlier than usual. She was slightly nervous about Lauren being back. As far as she knew, Alex hadn't told anyone about the affair, nor did Callie, but the fact that she and Callie were separated was common knowledge and the way Callie vehemently argued against Lauren's return might have been enough for Meredith, Derrick, Cristina, and Jackson to connect the dots.

Before making rounds, Arizona decided to touch base with Callie. She wanted to start the day off on a positive note, if possible. She checked the board and saw that Callie had two back-to-back surgeries scheduled. If she were going to speak with her, she'd need to catch her before she scrubbed in. She quickly changed and headed to Ortho.

Arizona was glad to find Callie at the main desk and disappointed to see her abruptly make an exit the moment their eyes met. She considered going after her, then thought better of it. The last things she wanted was to have a heated discussion before her day even began. "Perhaps it was a blessing in disguise that Callie didn't want to talk," she told herself, then made her way back to Peds.

Lauren arrived at Grey Sloan Memorial a few minutes before her meeting with Dr. Avery. She had just enough time to pick up a coffee from the vender where she and Arizona met and quickly go over her notes involving the Bryson baby. She'd seen one Treacher Collins Syndrome case in her career. It was an extremely complicated reconstructive surgery, but nothing near the level Dr. Avery presented. She worried that even with the correct placement of synthetics; the likelihood of the infant's skull increasing in size over the next several years was great. If the new bones weren't sized correctly, severe complications would likely occur. The prudent approach would be to hold off on the surgery.

Dr. Avery was genuinely happy to see Dr. Boswell. He'd learned a great deal from her about craniofacial repairs during her last visit and hoped he would have the chance to learn even more in the future. He'd strategized a way for her to be more actively involved with Grey Sloan Memorial and planned on scheduling a meeting to inquire about her availability over the next six months. If she were interested and available, he'd make a formal proposal to the board.

"Hey there, Dr. Avery," Lauren said from the entryway of his office.

"Hey, Dr. Boswell. It's great to see you again. Come in. How was your flight?"

"Great, thanks. I'm happy to be back," Lauren said as she let her bag drop from her shoulder and slid into an open seat.

"We're happy to have you back," Dr. Avery said smiling.

Lauren liked hearing the "we" in his sentence, though she wondered how true a statement it actually was. Surely Dr. Torres was not happy to have her back. She'd thought a lot about how she might feel and was prepared for whatever came her way. She promised herself that should Dr. Torres confront her, she would remain calm, and if the opportunity presented, she would apologize for her part in what happened. Noticing her distraction, Lauren put thoughts of Dr. Torres aside and focused. "So, Treacher Collins?"

"Yeah, can you believe it?"

"Barely; it's amazing, considering only 1 in 50,000 children are born affected."

"And you've seen one already?"

"Yeah, a few years ago. I wasn't the lead surgeon, but I was along every second of the way and helped make the calculations."

"We've got a top of the line program to simulate bone growth, and I'm fairly confident it will be accurate, but you just never know, right? I'm so glad you're willing to help. There's no way I would even consider it on my own."

Lauren smiled. She liked Dr. Avery. She could tell he was going to do great things with his career. He wasn't egotistical or afraid to reach out. "How about we start by going over the scans and then run a few preliminary calculations?"

"Absolutely," Dr. Avery said, revealing genuine excitement. For a second time since they met, he felt in awe. Dr. Boswell reminded him of Dr. Sloan. Like Mark, she was an exceptional surgeon, extremely driven, willing to share information and very likable.

Arizona finished morning rounds and checked the clock. She had just enough time to visit with Sofia before meeting with the mom of a teenage girl who had a badly damaged spleen. She looked forward to gathering Sofia into her arms and playing building blocks. She set out in search of her daughter. When she didn't find her in the playroom, she wondered if she was down for a nap. She crept into the resting area and when she didn't find her there, felt instantly concerned. She consulted staff and learned Sofia had not been brought in that day. A mixture of confusion and fear coursed through her veins. She couldn't make sense of why Callie was at the hospital and not Sofia? Without a second's hesitation, she went in search of her daughter's other mother.

Dr. Avery and Lauren had spent the entire morning pouring over x-rays and making calculations. There was still much to analyze before a decision could be made. They opted to work through lunch. The more they discussed, the more apprehension Lauren had. "Calculations were helpful in many settings, but the human body is far from predictable," she said.

Dr. Avery nodded in agreement. He sensed Dr. Boswell's hesitation.

"Why don't you go over the calculations one more time and I'll take another look at the scans and we can meet back at your office in a little while," Lauren offered. She wanted to give him time to think. Great teachers recognize when it is better for the student to think they came up with the answer on their own.

Callie's first surgery went off without a hitch. Her second, however, looked much more complicated. She decided to run another set of scans before scrubbing in. Something just didn't feel right, though she wasn't sure what it was. She remembered a similar case from earlier that year and went to her office to review past records. She would compare the new scans with the previous and look for similarities. She was in her office less than a minute when Arizona burst in.

"Where is Sofia?" she demanded.

Here we go, Callie thought to herself. She was prepared for the conversation and knew exactly how she would answer. "I took her to the daycare on Spring Street. She likes it there and made friends with a little girl named Graciela. She and Sofia are the same age and I think it's good for them to be around each other."

"So you just decided to switch daycare without talking it over with me first?" Arizona replied in a tone packed with anger.

Callie held eye contact and said nothing.

Arizona searched Callie's fierce dark pools for an answer. What she found ignited a menacing pain that spread throughout her chest; one that was made worse by a vociferous heartbeat sounding off in her head. She was moments away from a full-fledged panic attack, and knew it. She'd had two since the crash and both had started the exact same way. She felt helpless and trapped and needed to leave the situation, immediately. Without a word, she stormed out of Callie's office and made her way to the nearest stairwell. She stepped in and pressed her back against the heavy steel door. It felt good to have something solid between her and Callie. She focused on her breathing and surrendered to the tears.

Callie watched Arizona bolt. She sighed and immediately felt horrible about their exchange. She thought about going after her, but didn't know what she would say. If she'd learned anything from couple's therapy it was that since the plane crash she and Arizona had no idea how to communicate their true feelings. She felt sadness overcome her and sighed. She didn't have time to be upset, she needed to go over the scans and get to surgery.

Lauren stared at the images on the screen. She'd spent the entire morning analyzing the approach from Dr. Avery's vantage point, now she was going to examine it from her own. Dr. Avery's position made sense, though it was based purely on calculations and did not factor in human nature. She'd been around long enough now to know that no matter how well established a pattern, or high-tech the equipment, the human body was unpredictable. She was about to leave and inform Dr. Avery of her decision when Callie walked in.

Neither woman said anything at first. They just stood there, frozen, staring at one another. The tension in the room was palpable.

Callie finally cut through it with a harsh tone that sounded as intense as intended. "Are you going to be much longer?"

"I'm done actually," Lauren replied and shut down the screen.

Callie walked toward her and placed a thumb-drive in an external slot.

Lauren made room and took a deep breath. She hoped that what she was about to say would make things better, not worse. "Dr. Torres, I'm sorry for what happened…"

"No!" Callie said brusquely cutting her off mid-sentence. "Here's the thing, you don't get to come back here, lay on your Southern charm, and make everything okay with an apology. What you did was wrong, on so many levels. You disrespect me and took advantage of Arizona's vulnerability."

"What?" Lauren said absolutely appalled. "You can't be serious! I took advantage of no one!"

"Yeah, you keep telling yourself that, but it will never be true." Callie said staring Lauren down. "You'll always be the person who saw a weakness and moved in without giving a shit about who you hurt and what you destroyed!"

Lauren felt anger rise from her core. She told herself to stay calm, but couldn't stop herself from saying, "You know what, Dr. Torres? There's a huge difference between you and I. You see Arizona as vulnerable and I do not."

"How can you say that? You don't even know her!" Callie said, voice cracking as she did. "Arizona survived a near death plane crash and is clearly suffering PTSD. You don't think that makes her vulnerable?" she demanded.

"I think PTSD can have an impact on how a person reacts to the world around them, but I do not think that what happened between Arizona and I was the result of plane-crash trauma, if anything our connection was a reprieve from all that." Lauren said decisively, knowing she was dangerously close to the line.

Callie felt beside herself with rage. She knew that there was a grain of truth in what was just said, but her anger overruled her ability to accept it as fact. She needed to get as far away from the woman who had no qualms about sleeping with someone else's wife as possible. She turned on her heels, slammed the door open wide with both hands and stormed out.

Lauren stood motionless. She closed her eyes and felt guilt wash over her entire being. She thought she'd already worked through the self-doubt, but seeing Dr. Torres brought it all back. She imagined what it was like for her to lose Arizona and felt genuine empathy.

Arizona had taken a seat on the top stair. She liked the feeling of a high ceiling above her and appreciated the sturdiness of the thick concrete below. She self-regulated and felt calm. She decided she would discuss daycare arrangements with Callie, but not today. She would wait until she felt stronger. She also made a decision to hire an attorney who specialized in same-gender divorce and child custody.

After a few more minutes of mindful breathing, Arizona pulled herself up to a standing position and stepped back into the hallway. The instant she did, she saw Callie burst out of X-Ray. She wasn't ready to face her again and stepped back just in time to not be seen. She walked down one flight of stairs and took the long way to Peds.

Lauren made her way back to Dr. Avery's office. With every step, she cleared her head of what had just happened. Once seated, she explained why she wasn't going to perform the surgery. She was pleasantly surprised by how well he understood her perspective. She decided she really like working with him and let him know that he could consult with her at anytime in the future.

Dr. Avery thanked Lauren and asked about her availability over the next six months. Pleased with her answer, he invited her to a follow up meeting in the morning to discuss options. She agreed and packed her things to go. She considered stopping by Peds to see if Arizona was free, but decided not to. She was still pretty shaken by her interaction with Dr. Torres and wasn't willing to take a chance on seeing her again. She decided she would text Arizona later that afternoon.

After a long emotional meeting with her spleen patient's mother, Arizona went back to her office, shut the door, and closed her eyes. She knew Callie was exercising her power and needed to be prepared for similar scenarios in the future. She sighed loudly and realized she just didn't have it in her to make afternoon rounds. She called Alex and asked him to come in early.

Once back at her hotel, Lauren changed into her running clothes. She wanted to feel her feet hit the ground and hoped to push her body to the point of exhaustions. She checked the time and the sky. It was middle afternoon and Arizona would likely work a few hours more; the sky, however was quickly filling with rain clouds. She knew if she were going to run outdoors, she'd need to leave, as soon as possible.

Arizona left the hospital, but had no desire to go home. She'd hoped Dr. Avery would have invited her into his meeting with Lauren and was disappointed he hadn't. She'd called just before she left and learned that Lauren had already gone for the day. Even though she and Lauren hadn't made formal plans to see each other again before she left, she knew in her bones that they would. She sent a text inviting her to dinner. As she did, she heard Dr. Eden's voice surface in her mind. "You're recovering from an extremely traumatic experience, Arizona. It's not unusual to feel overwhelmed by your feelings, nor is it realistic that you can stop them once they arise. It takes far less energy to simply acknowledge them and give them a place in this world."

Arizona considered the interaction she had with Callie earlier and what kind of affect it had. She didn't want to bring any negative energy into an evening with Lauren and decided to go to a nearby park to clear her head. She'd wait for Lauren's returned text there.

Less than a mile in, Lauren began to feel better. Running helped integrate her body and mind, enabling her to think more clearly. She took in the many gorgeous views and decided she liked Seattle. It was minus the sunshine and warmth of the South, but it had a certain charm. She chose to run toward the Bay and hoped to stay ahead of the pending storm.

Arizona sat in the park for nearly an hour. She thought over her day and how difficult it was. She gave herself credit for how well she handled the panic attack and felt like she was getting in touch with her inner feelings. The past few years of suppressing them hadn't worked. She knew this now. She thought about how easy it was with Lauren and how from day one, Lauren was clear about what she wanted and how she felt. She really liked that about her. She wanted to tell her as much and wondered why she hadn't returned her text. Suddenly, insecurity surfaced. She countered it with romantic notions. Rather than fighting the impulse to drop by Lauren's hotel, she surrendered to it.

Lauren picked up speed as the sky above her turned dark. She was still a few miles from the hotel when the rain came down in earnest. The pellets were cold, but had a soothing effect on her skin. She imagined being washed clean of her day.

Arizona made it to the hotel just before the downpour. The lobby was filled with people waiting for cabs. She called the hospital and asked to speak with the administrative staff who arranged travel for guest surgeons. She learned that the hospital had two rooms booked at this point and that both were on the fourth floor. She took the elevator and knocked on the door registered to Dr. Lauren Boswell. No answer. She decided to wait and relaxed her tired body into an oversized chair at the end of the hall.

By the time Lauren made it back, she was soaking wet, from head to toe. Seeing a large number of people standing about, she opted for the stairs. The first thing she saw when she reached her floor was Arizona. She felt her stomach drop and couldn't stop herself from smiling. She adored the way Arizona took initiative and showed up unannounced.

Arizona returned Lauren's smile and lifted her weary frame. "Hi," she said softly. I hope its okay that I came by. I texted you, but you didn't reply. I mean why would you, right? Obviously, you went for a run, and, clearly you don't have a place for a phone." She knew she was rambling and felt her face flush. She took a deep breath and said, "Anyway, I hope it's okay and not too forward of me."

Lauren loved the way Arizona rambled on when she was nervous. "I'm glad you're here," she said softly and touched her arm, emphasizing her words. "I was hoping we would see each other tonight. Come on in." she said throatily and led the way. After swiping the keycard, she opened the door and stepped back, letting Arizona enter first. Before following her, she stepped out of her wet shoes and peeled off her anklets.

Arizona leaned against the back of the couch and said, "It's nice to see you."

It's nice to see you too, Lauren said smiling. She took in the view of the gorgeous woman before her. Everything about Arizona appealed to her senses. A voice in her warned her of two things: Arizona's request to take things slow and how easy it would be to fall head-over-heels in love with her.

"How did it go with Dr. Avery?" Arizona asked.

Lauren was about to respond, but felt a chill. She hooked her fingers in the hem of her cold wet running shirt and lifted it over her head, leaving her in nothing but a pair of running shorts and a sports bra.

Arizona's breath hitched at the site of Lauren's well defined stomach, shoulders and arms.

Lauren caught the way Arizona looked at her and couldn't help but tease, "Hey, you can't devour me with your eyes like that and expect me uphold my end of the bargain to take things slowly."

Arizona felt blood rush to her face. "I'm sorry. It's just that. I mean, you're so beautiful and you have such an amazing body, and to be honest, this taking things slow is proving to be harder than I thought."

Lauren was deeply moved by Arizona's confession. She felt heat rise throughout her body and said in a low husky voice, "Yeah, I know what you mean. I appreciate the honesty, though. It's good to know I'm not the only one having a difficult time."

Arizona nodded slowly, acknowledging the shared experience.

Lauren had to work hard to tear herself away from the intimacy of the moment. Reluctantly she said, "I'm going to grab a shower and then we can make a plan for later, okay?"

"Uh hmm," Arizona rasped, making a point of not staring at Lauren's backside as she walked into the bedroom. She did not permit herself the fantasy of following behind her. Nor did she imagine kissing her gorgeous mouth, neck, collar bones, breasts, and stomach. Instead, she busied herself with the hotel TO GO menu. She knew she was taking liberties by making a dinner decision and planned to use the excuse that Lauren would need to refuel from her run, sooner rather than later. She wanted to spend quality time with Lauren before she left and didn't like the idea of outside interference from wait staff and bartenders, ticket takers and cab drivers. She ended up choosing a nearby Thai Restaurant and ordered a variety of foods she hoped Lauren would enjoy. She also called down to the concierge and ordered a bottle of wine from the hotel bar.

Lauren felt the hot water warm her skin. She was physically affected by the way Arizona had hungrily moved her gorgeous blue eyes over her body and knew her id would demand release. If she were alone, she would have touched herself and recalled the sensation of Arizona's soft skin pressed against her own. She wasn't alone, however, and drove her id into submission by dropping the water temperature to cool.

Within minutes, the wine arrived. Arizona paid in cash, tipped handsomely, and looked around for glasses. She felt assertive in her decision to order take-out and decided she liked this side of herself.

Lauren emerged from the bedroom wearing casual, loose fitting clothing. She figured she could change into something nicer, if need be. She was pleasantly surprised when Arizona handed her a glass of wine and said, "I made an executive decision and ordered dinner in. I hope you don't mind."

"I don't mind at all," Lauren answered truthfully. The last thing she wanted was to share Arizona with others. She thought over Arizona's choice of words. Arizona was an executive, and by all rights could make executive decisions.

The storm let up and it was nice enough to dine on the balcony. The food, wine and conversation were amazing. Arizona did endure a slight preoccupation of thoughts, however. She considered telling Lauren about what happened with Sofia, but didn't want to introduce an emotional heaviness to their evening.

Lauren knew she needed to tell Arizona about her run in with Dr. Torres. She waited for the right moment and quietly said, "I had a brief, but intense conversation with Callie today."

"You did?" Arizona said, her face showing obvious concern. She remembered seeing Callie storm out of X-ray and wondered whether that was after the conversation took place.

"Unfortunately, it didn't go well." Lauren said softly.

"No?" Arizona said searching her features for more information.

"No. I mean, I feel like I said what I wanted to say, but she's incredibly angry, and rightfully so." Lauren thought long and hard before adding, "She accused me of taking advantage of you."

"Advantage! Advantage, how!" Arizona demanded.

Lauren shook her head from side to side and said, "It really doesn't matter. You and I both know the truth."

Arizona felt her chest constrict. "No, not now!" She told herself. "Not now."

Lauren noticed the color rush from Arizona's face. "Hey, are you okay?" she asked gently.

Arizona couldn't look at Lauren. She nodded, feigning she was okay, but she wasn't. For the second time that day, she felt like she was on the brink of a full-fledged panic attack.

Lauren lightly ran her thumb over the top of Arizona's hand and gave her time. She sensed Arizona was upset about something other than her conversation with Dr. Torres.

Arizona felt tears roll down her face. She gently pulled her hand from Lauren's and brought her palms to her eyes. Feeling the chest pain increase, she pulled her thigh to her breasts, wrapped her arms around her calve, and rested her head on her knee.

Lauren wasn't sure what to do. She'd never seen Arizona like this. She wanted to reach out and hold her, but wasn't sure physical touch was appropriate in the moment. She placed her hand on the edge of Arizona's chair and whispered, "I'm here if you need me."

Arizona let several minutes go by. She focused on her breath and told herself she was safe, and knew she was.

Lauren didn't move. She just sat there and consciously focused her thoughts on Arizona and what she might need to feel better.

Arizona felt deeply grateful for Lauren's comforting presence. Without hesitation she got to her feet, extended her hand, and led the way to the couch. She motioned for Lauren to sit then poured herself into her arms.

Lauren immediately stroked Arizona's hair with one hand and lightly massaged her shoulder with the other. She wished she could do more to ease the pain and whispered, "Is there anything I can do?"

Arizona heard the words and felt relief surge through her entire being. She looked into Lauren's eyes and made a conscious decision to let go. "I'm worried Callie is going to take Sofia away from me. I'm so worried that I'm experiencing incredible panic."

The doctor in Lauren was immediately concerned, while the woman in her recognized the fear in Arizona's voice. "Come here," she said and pulled Arizona to her chest and kissed the top of her head. She held her there for a very long time, caressing the side of her face, and running her fingers though her hair. She contemplated the many things she could say and settled on, "I'm so sorry you're going through this. You deserve better. It will take time, but things will get easier. Panic attacks are often a way for the body to process and release fear. They're not always a bad thing."

Arizona contemplated Lauren's words. She let them resound in her head, over and over. A flicker of hope surfaced within her and she knew confiding in Lauren was the right thing to do.

The two women held each other for hours and watched through the balcony glass as the city fell asleep around them. After a time, Arizona's leg began to ache and she shifted in search of relief.

Lauren detected Arizona's discomfort and whispered, "Let's go to bed."


	8. Chapter 8

Aftermath, Chapter 8 – The Morning After

I do not own these characters. They belong to Grey's Anatomy and Co.

Lauren focused on the peaceful steadiness of Arizona's breath. She'd been awake only a few seconds and had to clear her head of the instant confusion she often felt when waking up in a different city and different hotel.

At first, she couldn't tell if she were dreaming or if Arizona was actually resting in her arms. Realizing the woman of her fantasies was truly in her bed brought about incredible delight. Now, if she only knew what time it was. Judging by how well rested she felt, she estimated she'd been asleep for a good five hours, but she wasn't sure what time they had crawled into bed. There was just enough light in the room to suggest sunrise was near.

The craniofacial surgeon gently lifted her head to steal a glance at the alarm clock on the nightstand closest to the beautiful blonde Peds surgeon who routinely filled her waking thoughts. Finding the face of the clock turned away, she removed her hand from Arizona's hip, shifted her body slightly and reached for her phone. Arizona stirred as she did. With the hope of not waking her, Lauren quickly and gracefully returned her hand to Arizona's warm flesh.

Lauren suddenly realized the time of morning was far less important than the opportunity to commit to memory the sensation of Arizona's body pressed against her own. She immersed herself in the feeling of Arizona's hips nestled against her upper thighs and invited the softness of Arizona's curve to make an everlasting impression on her psyche. From there, she awoke her sense of smell by moving her head forward just enough to inhale the fragrance of Arizona's golden locks. She closed her eyes at the closeness and returned her focus to Arizona's breath and matched it with her own. She felt Arizona's chest rise and fall and imagined their bodies moving together in a subtle yet astounding dance.

Arizona awoke slowly and immediately realized she was in Lauren's arms. She took the opportunity to contemplate the night before and the way Lauren listened intently to her concerns around losing Sofia. She considered Lauren's obvious disquiet over the panic attacks, and appreciated the way she viewed them as something not to be feared, but an opportunity for the body to let go of past trauma. She thought of Dr. Eden's assertion that someone can enter a person's life for a reason. Without hesitation, she reached for Lauren's hand, brought it to her chest and disappeared the space between their bodies.

Lauren noticed Arizona's breathing pattern change. She was just about to say good morning when Arizona pulled her closer. Her mind quickly recalled their conversation the night before when both women admitted how difficult it was to suppress their mutual sexual desire. Out of nowhere, a line from a Cowboy Junkies song sounded in her head, _"You can always see it coming, but you can never stop it."_ She nestled in, and without words acknowledged that she too craved nearness.

For a brief second, Arizona thought about how she was the one who requested a slow pace and realized she was sending a mixed message, but couldn't stop herself. Here, in Lauren's bed, was exactly where she wanted to be in the moment. As much as she appreciated the emotional closeness they'd shared over the past few days, she needed more. She surrendered to the exact desire that affected her that evening in the On-Call room and boldly pulled Lauren's hand to her mouth and seductively suckled the tip of one of her perfectly tapered fingers.

Taken aback by the sensation, Lauren let out a lustful sigh of approval. Energy surged throughout her body and rushed to her core. Her id, which she had forced into submission the night before, would not only demand release, but would require a long, slow, pleasurable journey along the way.

Receiving the responsiveness she'd hoped for, Arizona took Lauren's entire finger into her mouth, wrapped her lips around it tightly, then slowly set it free, circling the tip with her tongue and suckling it hard as she did. Pleased to feel Lauren's body shudder in response, she gracefully turned and kissed her lover, over and over again. She assuredly deepened the kisses at every interval, stopping only when their collective sounds of pleasure had become vexingly urgent.

Lauren felt intoxicated by the sweet heat of Arizona's kiss. She took advantage of the fact that she had two free hands to explore every treasurable and pleasurable bit of Arizona's body.

Arizona cherished the assertiveness of Lauren's touch and wanted to feel her hands on her skin. She quickly removed the tank-top she'd worn to bed the night before and tugged at Lauren's form fitting tee.

Lauren promptly utilized her long torso to elegantly flip them over and press Arizona's back into the firm mattress. She straddled her hips and acquiesced, lifting her shirt over her head and tossing it aside. She steadied herself and looked deeply into Arizona's eyes. The pale morning light allowed her an opportunity to see a desire radiating from her lover's face that nearly broke her heart. She touched Arizona's chin, ran a thumb over her bottom lip, and lightly raked fingertips along Arizona's chest, breasts and stomach. This action was quickly followed with a long, slow, sensual kiss. She then placed a hand on each side of Arizona's body and lowered herself slowly, letting their centers touch, but not their breasts. She wanted to take control of the moment.

Arizona instantly reacted to the sensation of Lauren's center pressed against her own. She felt, and heard her own breath become ragged and longed for more intensity. A sweltering fiery surged within her, which she answered to by bucking her core upward in attempt to eliminate any and all space between their bodies.

Lauren's strong muscular arms held her in place and she considered Arizona's need. She shared the fieriness of want, but sensed uneasiness within. She wasn't ready to be Arizona's mistake all over again. Unable to fight the voice in her head that demanded clarification, she used her strong legs and stomach muscles to lift her entire body just slightly above Arizona's-almost touching, but not.

Arizona felt her lover pull away and heard a pleading sigh escape her being. She ran her fingers along the defining lines of Lauren's flexed biceps and considered the reason she'd stopped. The rippling definition of her arms only heightened her desire, and rather than asking what was wrong, she opted for a more immediate solution. "Please, don't stop," she husked.

Arizona's words caused a flood of wetness to escape Lauren's body. She knew she would surrender to whatever Arizona asked, even if it meant setting her fear aside, but was at least going to make her feelings known. "Tell me you're clear about this and you're ready for this kind of intimacy."

Arizona looked up at Lauren and in a breathy whisper said, "I am very clear about this. I want this and I want you," and knew in her bones that she'd spoken the truth.

Lauren heard what she needed to hear and lowered her body seductively. She pressed her center into Arizona's once again, next her stomach and her breasts, and finally her mouth. She kissed Arizona tenderly, yet assuredly. She let her tongue explore every inch of Arizona's sweetness and would not succumb to Arizona's effort to take control of their kiss.

Arizona surrendered to Lauren's sensuality and focused on the way she kissed her. Seconds later, she was lulled into a euphoric state as Lauren suckled and flicked one nipple with her tongue and simultaneously rolled the other between her thumb and forefinger. By the time Lauren had kissed her way to her stomach, Arizona knew she was dangerously close to release.

Lauren sensed how close Arizona was and consciously gave her time. She moved her mouth to her hipbone and kissed it lightly. As she did, she slid one palm up the middle of Arizona's stomach, between her breasts, over her throat and touched the side of her face, then repeated the action in reverse. She did this several times over before slowly lifting herself to remove Arizona's underwear. She lightly massaged the inside of Arizona's thighs before bringing her mouth to her already swollen and perfectly defined sex.

Arizona's body immediately reacted. She loved the way Lauren swiftly moved in and didn't hesitate or test waters. She remembered being stuck by it that night in the On-Call room, as well. Lauren was the kind of woman who went for what she wanted. Rather than making a tentative swipe with the tip of her tongue, she put her entire mouth over Arizona's clit and consumed her with full sincerity.

Lauren inhaled the scent of Arizona's desire. She thought back to the night of the storm and remembered exactly what Arizona liked. She lapped at her lover lightly at first; then held off a bit, slightly teasing, but only to enhance pleasure. She was careful not to push her too close to the edge too soon. She wanted nothing more than to bring Arizona to the crest of her desire gracefully; then release her slowly so she could ride it to shore.

Arizona opened her mind, body and soul to Lauren's ministrations. She held back no sounds of pleasure, nor did she hinder her desire to move with her lover.

Recalling Arizona's lust for penetration, Lauren gracefully ran two fingers through her thick wet folds and gently entered her welcoming body.

Arizona's marveled at Lauren's perfect timing. She felt a tingling sensation skitter across her scalp as Lauren moved in and out slowly, assuredly, gracefully, and compassionately. She loved being filled with Lauren's strength. She felt the first wave of pleasure overcome her and took a deep breath in preparation for what she knew would follow.

Lauren felt Arizona's thick walls squeeze against her fingers and intuitively met her pace. At the same time, she alternated between suckling and lightly lapping, lightly lapping and sucking Arizona's erect nub. Within seconds she heard Arizona scream out in pleasure.

Arizona wove her fingers into Lauren's reddish tresses. She was on the verge of being swept under, and wasn't ready. She wanted to ride the wave a bit longer.

Lauren instinctively stilled herself. She moved only when doing so would enhance pleasure and after several seconds, she basked in the magnificence of her lover's release, once again.

Arizona felt a strong desire to feel Lauren's weight upon her. She pulled her upwards, took Lauren's face in her hands, brought their mouths together, and led the way to an extensively meaningful kiss. She was grateful Lauren hadn't removed her fingers and opened her thighs wider as their tongues danced about.

Lauren understood what Arizona wanted and made slow deliberate movements, causing the blonde Goddess to shudder beneath her. She buried her face into Arizona's shoulder and matched the rhythm of her lover's hips with her own. She continued to move her fingers in and out while their bodies reclaimed a primal ancient beat. Within seconds she felt Arizona dig her nails into her back and heard a sound that will forever be imprinted in her memory. It was the sound of Arizona becoming one with the healing nature of pleasure and release. It was a sound so guttural and base that it reminded her of a line from Mary Oliver's poem The Wild Geese. She couldn't help but smile at the idea of Arizona letting the soft animal of her body love what it loves.

Arizona reached down and put her hand over Lauren's to facilitate a slow exodus. She felt saddened by the sudden emptiness, but relaxed into it. She wrapped her arms tightly around Lauren's lithe frame and relished the way their bodies fit.

Lauren collapsed into Arizona's arms. She was not afraid of hurting her with her weight, nor was she afraid that Arizona would consider their love making a mistake. She was content and joyful, pleased and at ease, satiated and spent.

After some time, Arizona elegantly slid out from under Lauren. Playfully, she pushed her on her back, straddled her and smiled seductively.

Lauren felt her essence ignite with the sight of Arizona and wanted nothing more than to give of herself the way Arizona just had. Unfortunately, she could tell by the lighting around them that morning had not only arrived, but also made itself at home. In a voice horse and thick with desire, she husked, "Baby, I need to check the time, I have a 9am with Dr. Avery."

Struck by how good it felt to hear Lauren use a term of endearment, and flabbergasted by her mention of Dr. Avery, Arizona asked, "This morning?"

"Yeah, is there something I should know?" Lauren said detecting concern and reaching for her phone.

"I have a meeting with Dr. Avery at 9am!"

Lauren raised an eyebrow. "You do?"

"Yeah," Arizona said nodding.

"Okay, well, its quarter past eight already, so if we're going to be on time, we need to get moving."

Arizona felt the blood rush from her face. She didn't want to be late, but couldn't go to work in the clothes she wore yesterday."

Lauren, having the exact thought kissed Arizona one last time before climbing out of bed. "I think we can make it in time. Why don't I shower first and go on ahead. You can help yourself to my suitcase and come in after."

Arizona liked how quickly Lauren thought on her feet. She smiled and nodded in agreement. She also appreciated the way Lauren gave her an out from having to arrive at the hospital at the same time. She wasn't embarrassed by their relationship; she just wasn't ready to answer to it, yet.

Both women busied themselves getting ready. As planned, Lauren was the first to leave. She entered the bedroom to say goodbye and saw Arizona wearing nothing but underwear and a bra. Her breath hitched and once again she was in awe of the gorgeous woman who stood before her.

Arizona caught the look of desire on Lauren's face. It erased any fear she'd had of Lauren seeing her in her prosthetic and not liking what she saw. She felt incredible relief as Lauren walked over, placed a hand on each side of her face and said in a soft seductive tone, "The next time we see each other, we need to go away somewhere and have absolutely no distractions."

Arizona eyes beamed at the idea; she leaned in for another kiss and said, "Deal."

Lauren pressed her forehead into Arizona's and rasped, "I'm so glad you stayed the night."

"Me too."

Lauren pulled away slowly, handed Arizona the room key and said, "I'll see you in a little bit."


	9. Chapter 9

I do not own these characters, they belong to Grey's Anatomy and Co.

Dr. Avery received Arizona's text saying she'd be a little late. He decided to use the extra time to inquire about Dr. Boswell's involvement with the HELP NOW project. He was as impressed with her _curriculum vitae as he was her person. He found her crisis work with survivors of domestic violence of particular interest. Her CV indicated heavy involvement in youth reconstructive surgery; a direction he believed Grey Sloan Memorial needed to point._

_Dr. Avery was elated by the possibility of finding another Mark Sloan in Dr. Boswell and hoped Arizona would align his interests and back a proposal to bring her on board. It struck him as odd when Arizona abstained from the vote to have her consult the Bryson case and he suspected something had happened. It was not immediate or obviously clear, yet her abstention didn't make sense. "Surely she could recognize the value Dr. Boswell added to any Peds Program," he said to himself, and added, "She is just as brilliant and sought after as Dr. Boswell and having a colleague of equal stature would only benefit her and the hospital."_

_Lauren noticed a spring in her step as she walked from the hotel to her meeting with Dr. Avery. The crisp air and warm sunshine felt good on her skin. It had been an emotional couple of days, and as much as she enjoyed her time with Arizona, she also enjoyed her work. She was curious as to why Dr. Avery wanted to meet with the both of them and prepared for every possibility. She suspected a proposal would be made, and it would be one Arizona clearly knew nothing about._

_Arizona took one last look in the mirror before leaving Lauren's hotel room. Her eyes were a bit puffy from crying the night before and her face was visibly flushed from the amazing early morning sex she'd just had. She stole a quick glance at the disheveled bed and felt oddly empowered. She loved the fact that Lauren had no connection to anything related to the crash. She utterly enjoyed the freedom she felt with her: freedom to be herself, flaws and all; freedom to show fragility and not have it equate to a disability; freedom from rage; especially the rage she felt toward Callie for not having done more to save her leg. In her core, she believed that if Callie had been as dedication to saving her leg as she was Derrick's hand, she'd would have. _

_Dr. Avery looked up just as Dr. Boswell approached his door. "Good morning," he said cheerfully. _

_"Good morning," Lauren replied, matching his good-natured tone._

_"Dr. Robbins will be here shortly," he offered and motioned for her to sit. _

_Feeling privy to some kind of secret gen, Lauren smiled slightly and acknowledged Dr. Avery's statement with a nod._

_Dr. Avery observed Lauren's smile and thought he spotted something behind her eyes. Suddenly, Arizona's abstention made sense. He placed no judgment, however. He, of all people, understood the thin line between desire and relational responsibility._

_Arizona felt anxious about her meeting with Dr. Avery. She wondered why he hadn't mentioned Lauren's involvement. She hastily walked the few blocks to the hospital and barely noticed the cool air and sunshine. Her mind went over the many options he might want to discuss. She suspected their meeting would lead to some sort of future involvement between Lauren and the hospital. She wasn't sure how to feel about professional enmeshment. She liked the idea of dating Lauren, but knew working closely with her and Callie for extended periods of time would be a bit much. This thought haunted her entire elevator ride to Dr. Avery's office. It was further magnified by seeing him and Lauren enthralled in conversation and getting along splendidly. "Good morning. Sorry for being late," she interrupted, hearing her voice reveal a hint of uneasiness._

_Lauren detected Arizona's tone and turned to greet her. She felt immediate pleasure at seeing her dressed in the lavender cashmere she'd worn on their first date and loved the way it hugged her curves. "Dr. Robbins," she said making brief eye contact and sounding one-hundred-percent professional. _

_"Dr. Boswell," Arizona said, taking an empty seat and focusing her attention on Dr. Avery._

_Noticing Arizona's steadfastness, Dr. Avery launched. "I'm sure you're both wondering why I brought you here, so I'll waste no time and get right to the point."_

_Both women smiled politely. _

_Dr. Avery cleared his throat and continued, "I'm hoping to bring each of you in on the early stage of an idea I'm considering bringing to the board. Dr. Robbins, as co-director, I'm including you on the preliminary discussion because this proposal directly involves the global expansion of our Peds program, something you've advocated for from day one. Dr. Boswell, as a consultant, educator, and craniofacial surgeon, your input on this project is crucial because it centers on emergency youth and infant reconstructive surgery." _

_Arizona pondered Dr. Avery's use of the word global. She now had a pretty good idea of what he might propose and took the opportunity to search Lauren's face for signs of interest. She watched her lover listen intently and remembered Dr. Avery's confession over the way Lauren made him feel excited about plastics again. She resigned to accept whatever fate awaited her and tuned into Dr. Avery's words just in time to hear him say, _"I believe that the three of us have the drive, dedication and skills necessary to set up an Emergency Pediatric Clinic in Syria."

Arizona was taken aback. She thought he was going to propose a more involved partnership with the Syrian's here in Seattle, not set up an ER there. She was speechless, proud, and immediately concerned about the level of danger.

Of all the scenarios Lauren imagined Dr. Avery proposing, this was not one of them. She stole a quick glance at Arizona and tried to suss from her expression what she was thinking. What she saw was unreadable. She opted for silence, rather than asking questions, and mentally leaned into the conversation.

Sensing an invitation to continue, Dr. Avery said, "Dr. Robbins, I've heard you say on numerous occasions, "This hospital needs to do more to help the Syrian's and is in a perfect position to train their field docs to better assist with child and infant trauma." We both agree on this, but I think we can be more effective by building a sustainable program there, rather than conducting trainings that do not accurately reflect field conditions here. This is where your input is key. We can use the work you've done in Malawi as a template. Granted, the circumstances are different, and the risk factors are much greater, but the structural procedures should be similar. I also think it is something that can be managed from here, if you're not comfortable traveling, or with the level of risk.

Arizona appreciated the way Dr. Avery's eyes softened when he added the tagline about travel and safety. She immediately thought of Sofia.

"Dr. Boswell, I think the work you've done with HELP NOW is just one of the many skills you bring to the table. Your willingness to train other docs is unmatchable and the fact that you already travel around the world doing emergency infant reconstructive surgeries makes your input vital. There is also a way we can have you involved domestically, if you feel the conditions in Syria are too dangerous."

Lauren was flattered. She was involved in a similar project just out of med school and considered it one of her greatest accomplishments; though she rarely shared this achievement with colleagues because doing so would ultimately lead to disclosing a piece of her personal story. In typical Lauren fashion, she showed an ease and grace with Dr. Avery and tilted her head in a way that indicated she would like to hear more.

"Finally, I imagine my role would be part administrator and part surgeon. I am willing to travel between here and there throughout the entire developmental stages, if conditions allow. The only thing I need to know at this point is if either or both of you are interested in participating in phase one. If you are, I was thinking we could take a few weeks, then regroup. That would give me time to quietly run the numbers and determine risk factors.

As a board member, Arizona would absolutely back the idea; as a mother with an opportunity to practice in the field, she wasn't sure. There were just so many aspects to consider. Without prioritizing, she listed the pros and cons in her mind: Sofia; the level of danger, the children of Syria; Callie; the hospital's ability to financially back the entire project; the opportunity to do in Syria what she accomplished in Malawi; Lauren's involvement; the fact that she hadn't set foot on a plane since the crash; her panic attacks. She suddenly realized she was getting ahead of herself. What was being asked of her in the moment was her interest in the developmental phase, nothing more. She focused and said, "I'm willing to give this serious consideration and am happy to meet again in a few weeks."

_Lauren kept current with world politics and recognized the need and potential danger involved. Her first consideration was the children of Syria. She then contemplated the role of a field doc. There were practical day-to-day aspects to deliberate, as well. She was contractually obligated to a few hospitals in the States and would require a generous amount of flexibility. Moreover, a line would be blurred if Arizona was to become her boss, and she would need to maintain some form of autonomy. None of her concerns were unmanageable, however; and there was clearly no harm in participating in the developmental phase. She followed Arizona's lead and said, "I'm more than happy to take time and think this through."_

_Dr. Avery smiled exuberantly. He felt honored to be sitting across from two of the best surgeons in the country. His excitement about what the future would hold was understandable. His mother had put him in a position he didn't want to be in and he'd found a way to make it fit his personal values and desire to become a better surgeon. He lifted from his chair slowly and in a tone that revealed genuine enthusiasm said, "I can't tell you how grateful I am that you're both willing to consider this. Thank you."_

_Arizona and Lauren simultaneously lifted from their respective chairs and returned his smile. Side by side, they walked to the elevator in silence. Each knew they would need to talk about what was just proposed, but neither was ready._

_Lauren stepped into the elevator and was glad to see Arizona join her. She had an early evening flight and hoped for a proper goodbye. She rubbed her forehead and considered options. She could ask Arizona to lunch, but didn't want to impose upon her time. She could ask her back to the hotel, but felt a little too overwhelmed by the emotionality of the past few days to be in such an intimate setting. Then she remembered the park by the hotel and wondered if Arizona would meet her there. _

_Arizona watched as Lauren's long lean finger massage a circular pattern above her left eyebrow and realized that neither one of them had time to pick up coffee before their meeting. In a light and bubbly tone she teased, "Why, Dr. Boswell, it appears to me that you're suffering from caffeine withdrawal." _

_Lauren chortled and felt relief at Arizona's playfulness. "I think your diagnosis it spot on, Dr. Robbins."_

_Arizona chortled back, considered Lauren flight time, and impulsively asked if they could meet for coffee later._

_"Absolutely! How about the park by the hotel?"_

_"That would be great." Arizona said. It was a perfect place, she thought. She was beginning to feel overwhelmed with everything on her plate. She still needed to speak with Callie about Sofia and her day-care arrangements. She also knew Dr. Avery's proposal had yet to sink in. Plus, she and Lauren had resumed their affair, something she didn't regret, but hadn't planned for. _

_Lauren could see that Arizona had a lot on her mind. She wanted to say something comforting but knew this wasn't the place. She opted for action, rather than words, and quickly gauged the floor they were on. She had just enough time to gracefully move into Arizona's space and bring her lips to hers in a quick but meaningful kiss. _

_Arizona felt comforted by the closeness. She knew they had a few seconds before the door would open and surrendered to the moment. She focused on the softness of Lauren's lips and the warmth of her palm that was lightly pressed against the side of her face._

_Hearing the bell, Lauren pulled away as quickly and gracefully as she'd moved in. She looked deeply into Arizona's beautiful blue orbs and whispered; "Text me with a time, and I'll be there." _

Arizona watched as Lauren walked away. She thought back to their first time in an elevator together and recalled the way her heart sank when Lauren's subtle flirtation indicated a mutual attraction. She wrapped her arms around herself and felt the softness of Lauren's sweater nestled against her bare skin. For the third time that morning, she brought her wrists to her nose and inhaled the faint scent of Lauren's perfume.


	10. Chapter 10

Aftermath, Chapter 10 – Callie

I do not own these characters. They belong to Grey's Anatomy and Co.

Arizona rode the elevator to Peds, picked up a coffee along the way, and went to her office to check her schedule. Finding nothing urgent, she made a plan for the day. She'd make morning rounds, grab a bite to eat, look in on Karev's preemie, meet with Lauren, make afternoon rounds, and speak with Callie before heading home. She knew she had a lot on her plate, yet felt determined. She wasn't concerned about her energy level, whatsoever. She felt oddly spry and alive. She smiled to herself realizing her vivacity was, in part, a result of the sexual experience she'd shared with Lauren. She thought back to her dating years and tried to recall having comparable sex with someone she'd just met. No one really stood out to her. This was not to say that she didn't have good sex with other women, she did, but usually not from the get-go.

Arizona caught herself daydreaming and consciously set her preoccupation aside. She needed to get her head in the game. Work duties called, as did a need for clarity around parental rights. She considered discussing with Callie her accusation that Lauren took advantage, but knew doing so would require an admission that she and Lauren were connected, once again. She wasn't ready for that, no matter how upsetting the idea that Callie considered her vulnerable. This was something she would discuss with Dr. Eden. She rang her office and made an appointment for the following afternoon.

Morning rounds went off without a hitch. She felt relieved by how easy interactions were with patients and colleagues. She finished early and purchased a gorgeous salad from the cafeteria, which she consumed by herself on the hospital rooftop.

The sun was warm and felt good on her skin. Thoughts of Dr. Avery's proposal surfaced, as they had several time throughout the morning, but she set them aside. There would be plenty of time for sorting after she'd spoken with Callie. Her highest priority, in that moment, was Sofia. It simply was not okay for Callie to have changed daycares without any discussion. Something like that would never have been okay when they were together, so why was it now, she wondered. Making matters worse was the fact that Callie went out of her way to bring Sofia to an independent day-care during a time when she was scheduled to be at the hospital. Arizona just could not wrap her mind around why Callie would do such a thing, unless it was simply to exercise her power. She knew she'd need to broach the subject lightly.

After lunch, Arizona was grateful to find Karev's preemie doing quiet well. She left a chart note stating she'd approve the babies release in the next twenty-four-hours, if that was his recommendation, and went back to her office to finish paperwork. When done, she texted Lauren and let her know she would be free within the hour. She was just about to leave when she thought she heard Callie's voice. For a split second, she wondered if Callie had actually said something, or if it was just a memory resounding in her head. They were together long enough for that to happen from time to time.

Arizona felt Callie's presence and realized she actually did hear her voice. She looked up to find her leaning against the doorframe and noticed tenderness in her eyes. It was an expression she hadn't seen in a while and it tugged lightly at her heartstrings. There was no doubt that they'd developed a form of communication that didn't require words, one made more powerful by all they'd been through. Sadly, here they were again, in the middle of yet another crisis, and one that seemed impossible to reconcile. Woeful over all they'd lost, Arizona consciously dampened her anger surrounding the abuse of power and said, "Hey, Callie."

Sensing a warm welcome, Callie walked into the room and stood a few feet away. Not as close as she'd have stood four months earlier, but closer than she'd have stood immediately after the affair. "I think we need to talk."

Arizona nodded. She had imagined their conversation taking place at the end of the day when she'd had more time to prepare, but realized this was as good of a time as any. She made a gesture for Callie to sit.

Callie accepted and was about to speak when Arizona interjected, "Before you say anything, can you please just tell me why you made a decision to change Sofia's day-care yesterday without checking in with me?"

Callie sighed. "Honestly, Arizona, I already told you why."

"Because she likes a little girl there? That just doesn't make sense. Why was she there in the first place?"

"It's like I said, it's close and convenient."

"But you went out of your way to bring her there. It doesn't add up, unless you're trying to punish me."

Callie wasn't ready to admit that she changed daycares to prevent Arizona from introducing Sofia to Lauren. She offered a different explanation, "I bring her there sometimes in the evening or over the weekend when I'm not working."

Arizona was baffled by Callie's response. Without measuring her words, she sounded off, "If you need evening or weekend care, why don't you bring her to me? I'm her mother and I have as much right to her as you do."

"We have a custody arrangement, Arizona. Yes, it's informal, but it's an arrangement, none-the-less. When I have our daughter, it's my decision where I bring her." Callie immediately regretted the harshness of her tone.

Suddenly Arizona understood. Callie needed evening and weekend day-care for a personal reason and one she wasn't willing to share. She felt a pinch of jealousy and knew she had no right to it. She couldn't contain her anger, however. "We would never have had such an arrangement when we were together, Callie. Neither of us likes the idea of Sofia being with strangers. And, this arrangement, as you put it, is feeling a bit imbalanced! Imagine if the tables were turned and you went in search our daughter and couldn't find her!"

Callie considered Arizona's position and understood her point. She spoke clearly and measured her words carefully. " We have an arrangement that I believe works for both of us. I should have consulted you about the change; I know this now. I will continue to bring Sofia to the hospital facility so we can both see her throughout the day, but we need to establish some ground rules."

"Ground rules?" Arizona said raising an eyebrow. "What kind of ground rules?"

Callie took a deep breath. She'd thought about how to approach the conversation all morning. She exhaled slowly, made strong eye contact and said, "For starters, I want a say in who Sofia meets and who she spends time with when she's in your care."

At first, Arizona was mystified. Then, she realized exactly what Callie was getting at with her assertion and felt her blood boil over. It was way too soon for her to even think about introducing Sofia to Lauren and the accusation was appalling. Before she could stop herself, she blurted, "What do you think Callie, that I'm so damaged that I would put our daughters needs second to my own?"

Callie tried to make a neutral facial expression, but failed. She considered Arizona indiscretion an act of selfishness and believed that her decision to have sex with a woman she'd just met was connected to some form of PTSD.

Seeing the look on Callie's face further exasperated Arizona. "Jesus, Callie, you really think I'm that fucked up!"

Callie questioned whether this was an appropriate time or setting to share her concern. She wasn't sure if it was her place to call Arizona out on something as serious as PTSD. She was a spouse, and a cartilage specialist, not a psychologist and not Arizona's psychologist. Still, the woman she knew pre-plane crash would never have cheated. She bit her back teeth together, realized their conversation was already too volatile to answer, and took refuge in silence.

Arizona, considered Callie's non-answer a response. Without measuring her words, she tersely stated, "Seriously, Callie, you are so far off on this one! I didn't have an affair because I was injured in a plane-crash! And, you have some nerve thinking my moment of weakness was the ONLY thing that broke us!"

Callie felt her head spin. She was there to apologize for changing day-care without discussion, but the conversation went from Sofia to PTSD and now they were both hurt and angry, all over again. She considered asking Arizona to come back to couples therapy, but the words just wouldn't come.

Arizona was extremely frustrated with what she now believed was Callie intentional use of silence. The woman was rarely, if ever, at a loss for words, and now three times in one conversation, she'd used silence as a weapon. She suspected it was a measure of Callie's pain, but couldn't take any more. She openly and gently said, "I can't do this, Callie. When you're ready to talk about our daughter and my rights as her mother, I'm happy to sit down with you and go over your needs, as I hope you'll be willing to discuss mine. As for this idea that I'm somehow vulnerable or damaged, I am neither of those things, and I will not let you tell me otherwise."

Callie heard and felt the impact of Arizona's words. She watched her get up from her desk and leave the room. A few seconds after she was gone, she heard herself whisper, "I'm sorry." Why she couldn't apologize sooner was beyond her. She stared at Arizona's desk and considered leaving a note. Perhaps with pen and paper she could string together words that would get them talking again, not arguing and making accusations, but actually talking to one another.


	11. Chapter 11

Aftermath, Chapter 11 – Goodbye, for Now

I do not own any of these characters. They belong to Grey's Anatomy and Co.

Lauren spent the rest of her morning and early afternoon at a coffee house a few doors down from the hotel. She loved telecommuting and savoring local flavor.

Once current on email, Lauren allowed herself the pleasure of mulling over the events of the past few days. For the most part, she felt genuinely excited about all that had transpired. The development position intrigued her and the more she thought about Syria, the more interested she became in taking a turn as a field doc. Thoughts of Arizona were not as clear, however. The more she considered Arizona's panic attacks, the more she became worried about Arizona's health.

The doctor in Lauren suspected Arizona's anxiety was related to the trauma of surviving a plane crash and losing a limb; the woman in her wondered if purchasing a hospital compounded it; and the lover in her understood the havoc an affair would inflict upon her nervous system. She sighed loudly and felt guilt resurface. Meeting Arizona was, at once, a beautiful and complicated experience.

When it came to the gorgeous blonde pediatric surgeon, Lauren was anything but grounded. What other reason could she give for openly pursuing a married woman and mother or a toddler? She thought back to their conversation at the Conservatory when Arizona made it clear that she was equally invested in their sexual encounter and that Lauren alone was not to be blamed. Hearing the words helped, of course, but didn't change the fact that three people were affected by one decision.

Lauren also considered Arizona's invitation to take things slowly and date. She had no regrets over accepting Arizona's proposal, though she knew their relationship had moved into a sexual realm much sooner than Arizona had likely intended. She hoped this wouldn't increase the severity of her anxiety, but knew it would. Hell, their sexual attraction made her anxious and she didn't even suffer a nervous disorder. Theirs was the kind of sexual attraction that swept people away. Theirs was the kind of chemistry that stemmed from something undefinable. Theirs was the kind of connection that broke hearts. Outsiders looking in wouldn't, or couldn't, comprehend the connected they shared. All they'd see was a cheater and a home-wrecker, not two women whose similarities offered a deep understanding with the potential to heal wounds and release anger.

Sensing eyes upon her, Lauren looked up in time to hear an elderly gentleman with silver dreads and beautiful wrinkles say with a drawl more Southern than her own, "Girl, whatever sickness you got, I want it."

Lauren quickly assessed the situation. Deciding he was harmless, she tilted her head and said, "Pardon?"

"You been sitting there smiling that electric smile of yours for the past ten minutes. If only I could be so lucky to catch such a fever."

Something about the gentleman's cadence reminded her of her grandfather. She couldn't help but ask, "Where are you from?"

"N'awlins, born and raised, but I'm up here now. What 'bout you. Where are you from?"

Lauren knew he was telling the truth. His pronunciation of New Orleans rang true and was identical to her grandfathers. With inherited low country charm, she replied, "Ashville, via Raleigh."

"I thought I heard a Carolina twang. My first wife was from Chapel Hill. We went up there from time to time to see her people; then we'd surf OBX hurricanes. God, I loved that woman. Sure wish I could've made her smile the way you do. We might have lasted longer, if I did. You married?"

Lauren waved her hand and answered in a matter-of-fact kind of way, "Nope. No time for that."

"Yeah, that's what cost me my second marriage-the lack of time and all. I can't believe a pretty girl like you hasn't been gobbled up though, free time or no time."

Lauren considered shutting down the conversation there; but then realized there was no harm in confiding in a total stranger. "I was engaged once, but that was a _long _time ago. Things just didn't work out like we'd hoped. I threw myself into my work to get through it and here I am."

The older gentleman nodded in understanding. "Well, you're good and young still and a smile like that is going to give you plenty of suitors. Me, I'm so old now, I'd propose to anyone who can make a good pitcher of sweet tea; something that's nearly impossible to find up here, by the way."

Lauren chuckled and said, "Well, it's a good thing I'm not much for sugar in my tea."

"Ah, you like it on the bitter side? A chicory kind of gal, I bet?"

Lauren smiled. She loved chicory coffee. She touched the tip of her index finger to her nose indicating he was spot on and said, "Uh hmm, but not too bitter; maybe a 25/75 blend."

"Friend, I tell you what. You stop by Jemil's Big Easy sometime and I'll whip you up the best chicory coffee you'll ever have in Seattle. Make you some fresh beignets too, I promise. Just tell the host Lazone sent you."

Lauren was about to ask about the venue when her phone vibrated. She reached for it; then checked her manners. "I'm sorry, do you mind?"

"No, not at all," Lazone said.

Lauren read Arizona's text and responded: _Great! I'll meet you in the Southwest corner of the park, closest to the hospital; _then looked up to see Lazone grinning widely.

"There's that smile again," he said.

Feeling blood rush to her face, Lauren stood and packed her things to go. "Next time I'm in Seattle, I'll stop by for that cup of coffee," she said joyfully.

"Please do. It was nice to meet you too, Miss?"

"Lauren."

"Be safe now, Miss Lauren."

"You too."

Arizona was glad she left her office when she did. She recognized an all too familiar rage welling inside her and knew that had she stayed, she'd surely have said something she would regret later on. Were she and Callie ever able to talk through their differences, she wondered. Admittedly, they did well when times were good, but what about when times were bad?

Adjusting to life as an amputee was not easy. Everything from the way she emotionally climbed out of bed in the morning to the way she physically climbed back in had changed. Her state of mind was different, also. Her anger became a primary emotion, and rightfully so. Anyone in her position would have lashed out at their spouse for a broken promise. Compounding her anger was a fear that she might never be a surgeon again; an emotion that she knew was destroying her internally. If it weren't for Bailey, she might still be drowning in hopelessness.

The relief Arizona felt after reclaiming her career only partially carried over to her marriage, however. On some level, she understood that the amputation saved her life, but she still didn't feel like she could trust Callie again. Making matters worse was the fact that they never really talked about the promise Callie made to save her leg. This meant neither woman knew if it was a realistic request or reasonable promise to make, and yet each held strong opinions that ultimately kept them from seeing the others point of view.

The responsibility of running a hospital further complicated Arizona's day to day. In her heart, she knew she should never have become one of the Grey Sloan Seven when what she really wanted was to focus her energy on Sofia, buying a house, taking vacations, and living life as the precious gift it is. As a result, she routinely struggled with being a hospital executive. The position required maintaining strict control over her emotions, something that took an astonishing amount of energy. She'd finally managed to bear down and knuckle through, when a complete stranger entered her life and reflected an image she found impossible to ignore. She was drawn to her reflection in Lauren like a moth to a flame. Much was destroyed, but all was not lost. Like a phoenix, she rose from the ashes; albeit, she'd spend a lifetime sorting the incredible pain and devastation accompanied by self-reclamation.

Arizona exited the hospital doors and took a moment to study the sky and feel the fresh air touch her skin. She told herself to leave what had just happened with Callie behind. Giving energy to the absurd notion that she would introduce their daughter to Lauren at this stage in their relationship was pointless. She decided to add it to the list of things she'd discuss with Dr. Eden. The last thing she wanted to do was carry the toxic energy she and Callie had just created over to Lauren. Considering it would be a few weeks before she saw her again, she wanted to be present and enjoy the little time they had left. She took mindful strides toward her and noticed a sense of calmness augment her every step.

Lauren saw Arizona approach from a few hundred yards away. She watched the curvaceous blonde close the distance between them and noticed a tingling sensation in her palms as she did. Lazone's observation resounded in her mind. There was no denying that Arizona Robbins had an incredible effect on her psyche. She stood to greet her and once again felt delighted to see Arizona draped in her sweater.

Arizona returned Lauren's smile and noticed a hue in her eyes she hadn't seen before. In direct sunlight, they were solid amber with a mixture of green and brown flecks. Her id took notice. She opened her arms and pulled Lauren into a satisfying embrace.

Lauren appreciated Arizona's affection and shared her need for closeness. She let Arizona be the first to break contact then motioned for her to sit, handing her a coffee as she did. Whilst waiting, she'd spent time sorting through her feelings about Arizona's anxiety, their sexual encounter, and their decision to date. She'd hoped to share one or two of her thoughts before they parted ways, and trusted that an opportunity would present itself.

Arizona graciously accepted the beverage and took a sip. The temperature was lukewarm and she realized Lauren had waited awhile for her to arrive. Tasting the sweetness and appreciated Lauren's kindness, Arizona pointed to the label and said, "I see you found Sarah's Table. It's a great little venue, isn't it?"

"Yeah, I liked it there," Lauren said recalling her interaction with Lazone.

Arizona knew they had a limited amount of time and wanted to use it wisely. She hoped skipping the small talk wouldn't come off as rude and chose her words carefully, "Thanks for being so supportive last night. I kind of fell apart on you, and I didn't mean to."

Lauren appreciated Arizona's directness. She turned her body sideways on the bench and studied her face. She felt deeply affected by Arizona's beauty. "I'm just glad you didn't try to keep it all in."

"Me too," Arizona said matching Lauren's softness.

"Are you feeling better?"

Arizona considered her options. She could lie, and say she did, but lying didn't feel right. She decided to focus on how she felt before her conversation with Callie. "This morning was great." She heard her words and realized how they could be interpreted. She suddenly felt flushed and quickly added, "I mean, I felt good this morning. And yeah, this morning was great, and our time together was amazing and uhm… Yeah, I felt good earlier and it felt good with Dr. Avery too."

Lauren smiled sweetly and chortled. She absolutely adored the way Arizona rambled on. She watched as her cheeks turned pink and interjected with incredible compassion, "I know what you mean. I felt the same way. And, how are you feeling now?"

Arizona realized she was at a fork in the road. She could speak her truth and risk that her anger toward Callie might resurface, or she could pretend everything was fine. She took a deep breath and said, "Angry. I feel angry. I had a run in with Callie right before I came here. I'm trying not to let it bleed into our time together, and I'm sorry if I seem a bit off. I'm glad to be here with you, and I'm glad we have this time to ourselves before you go. Any anger I have has nothing to do with you."

Lauren considered Arizona's words. She recognized how similar they were as women. She was extremely adept at compartmentalizing and understood exactly what Arizona meant by feeling "off." She responded the way she would want someone to respond to her, "I just want you to be yourself around me. I think we should promise to be exactly where we're at in the moment. No putting on faces, or feigning, just being authentically human, with human emotions and human flaws."

"I would like that, a lot," Arizona said truthfully. Knowing she was opening the door to deeper intimacy she continued, "It's so easy to be myself around you and I really appreciate it. It's exactly what I need right now."

Sensing it was an appropriate time to bring up her concerns, Lauren reached out and touched Arizona's thigh before saying, "Arizona, I think we need to talk about what is happening between us. At times, I'm overwhelmed by it. I find myself thinking about you a lot and have difficulty concentrating. If I feel this way as a single woman, I can't imagine what you're experiencing as a soon to be ex-wife and a mom, let alone someone who just recently survived a plane crash."

Arizona sucked in her bottom lip and inhaled deeply. Lauren's words left her feeling raw and exposed, but not in a way that made her want to run from the conversation. What Lauren had just said confirmed was something she'd spent months in therapy discussing. Their sexual attraction **_was_** overwhelming and the only explanation she could give for her indiscretion was that Lauren's pull was stronger than her push. This was something she and Dr. Eden had spent a lot of time on. They highlighted the way Lauren had no connection to her life before the plane crash and how this was likely part of the draw, but Arizona never felt comfortable naming Lauren's nonalignment as the ultimate reason for the affair. They also discussed the fact that Lauren reminded Arizona of the woman she was previous to the crash and the sexual attraction was a way for her to find herself again, but Arizona knew something was missing from that assessment, as well. They settled on the idea that Lauren came into her life, for a reason, and that reason would present itself at another time. Wondering if this was that time, Arizona turned toward Lauren and said, "That night in the NICU, when I said I made a mistake, I meant my mistake was cheating on my wife. As for our connection, especially the sexual aspect, I don't feel the same regret. Had we met before I married, I'd have pursued you, I know I would have."

Lauren nodded and proceeded cautiously. She didn't want to say anything that would scare or overwhelm Arizona, but at the same time, she felt profoundly affected by their time together over the past few days and knew she needed to at least talk about what was true for her. "It would be nice if we'd have met under different circumstances. The connection between us, in my mind, is incredibly powerful, and it would be so great to enjoy it without trepidation. That's why I think we should revisit our conversation about taking things slowly. It might be good to spell out what that would look like. Please don't get me wrong, I absolutely love the sexual intimacy we share, but I'm willing to put it on hold, if it's too much too soon. Do you know what I mean?"

Arizona knew exactly what Lauren meant. She felt a sudden sense of relief. Lauren's conflicted emotions ultimately validated her own. She also realized they were openly communicating about their feelings and personal needs-something she wished she'd have learned to do long ago. She reached out and touched Lauren's hand and said, "Thank you. I agree. We should consider how to proceed from here. When I originally proposed taking things slow, I imagined us refraining from sexual intimacy, something that is obviously easier said than done. Then this morning, waking up in your arms, I just... I don't know… It just felt right."

"I know. I felt the exact same way. That's why I'm bringing this up. I don't want what starts in chaos, to end in chaos. I think we have a chance to be mindful here and change that old adage."

Arizona pondered Lauren's words and nodded her head slowly. She considered how chaotic the past few years had actually been and spoke from her heart, "Everything in my life right now feels so surreal. It's kind of like I'm playing a supportive character in a television drama who one day realizes that everything is happening to her, and not by her choosing, and the only way to take the lead role is to make a decision that will drastically alter the story."

Lauren completely understood what Arizona meant and made a conscious decision to share a part of her past. "I get it. I've been through an incredibly difficult break-up, myself; one that took an amazing amount of energy to recover from. I picked up pieces for years afterwards and know that kind of surreality."

Arizona watched Lauren's face as she spoke and saw a look of sadness she'd never seen before. Once again, she realized actually how little she knew about her lover. She wanted to know more and wasn't sure if it was the right time to ask. She settled on words that would give Lauren an opportunity to continue, or an out if need be. "I really want to get to know you better and especially this part of your story."

"It's one that's best told over a glass of wine. I'll be more than happy to share it with you the next time we meet, okay?"

Arizona accepted Lauren's answer and said, "I'd like that."

"It's a date then," Lauren said smiling.

Arizona took note of the time and realized Lauren's flight would leave soon. She picked up a leaf on the bench next to her and twirled it by its stem. She thought over their entire conversation and remembered how it began with Lauren wanting to discuss how their sexual attraction impacted her health. She searched for words that might bring comfort and settled on, "I think I need to take some time off work and go away for a few days. Maybe I'll head down the coast in search of warmer weather and sandy shores."

Lauren smiled. She was all for alone time and liked the idea of Arizona taking care of herself. She also appreciating the way Arizona had circled back to where their conversation began. "That sounds amazing," she replied, revealing genuine enthusiasm.

"Uh hmm," Arizona said nodding. She realized they hadn't discussed Syria. She quickly changed subjects and asked, "I know we don't have enough time to go over Dr. Avery's proposal, but I'd like to before we meet with him again. Do you think we can teleconference sometime over the next few weeks?"

"Yeah, absolutely," Lauren said softly.

Reluctantly, Arizona got to her feet.

Lauren followed her lead and said, "If you need anything, or just want to talk, please don't hesitate to call."

Arizona smiled and nodded in agreement. She took a step toward Lauren at the exact same moment Lauren took a step toward her. They held each other in a long and meaningful embrace. In the past three days, they had deepened their level of intimacy and would both need time to process what it meant. In the past three days, they were presented with an opportunity that would enmesh their professional careers, something that would require clear boundaries. In the past three days, they had satisfied their lustful hunger for one another and needed time to sift through the emotional reverberations of sexual attraction.


	12. Chapter 12

Aftermath, Chapter 12, Dr. Eden II

I do not own any character other than Dr. Eden. The rest belong to Grey's Anatomy & Co.

Arizona's settled into a chair opposite Dr. Eden. The past three days had been exhilarating and frustrating, beautiful and painful, healing and informative. She'd experienced emotional highs and lows and was reintroduced to an internal strength she'd almost forgotten. She'd felt the ecstatic sting of Cupids dart, and the burning fury of Aries wrath. Insecurity reared its ugly head, as well. Was she vulnerable, like Callie said, or was she heeding the call to resuscitate and reclaim the woman she was before the plane crash?

"It's good to see you again, Arizona. How are you?"

Arizona looked into the kind eyes of her trusted therapist and wasn't sure where to begin. She went over her mental list of all she wanted to discuss and opted for the most pressing concern. "I'm doing alright. I had a dispute with Callie though. She switched day-care facilities without consulting me. I found out from the hospital staff, not her. I was furious and tracked her down and demanded an explanation."

"How did that go?" Dr. Eden inquired softly.

"Not very well. I lost my temper completely which led to another panic attack." Arizona confessed.

Dr. Eden leaned forward in her chair. "I'm sorry to hear that. Were you able to use the coping skills and breathing techniques we discussed?"

"Actually, yes. It was a bit touch and go at first, but I pulled through. It helped that I left the conversation before I lost it entirely."

"Where did you go?"

"I found a quiet place in the stairwell where I could be alone and focus on my breathing. I told myself over and over that I was safe, like we discussed."

"It sounds like you did quite well. How long did it last?"

"This one was nowhere near as long as the others. I experienced the same chest pain though. It was frightening."

Dr. Eden nodded slowly and offered empathy.

Arizona noticed the softness in her gaze and continued. "Then the next day, which was yesterday, Callie stopped by my office. I felt better, so I agreed to talk, but only after I made it clear that I felt like she had ignored my parental rights. Things got heated after that. She basically said she switched daycare to prevent me from introducing Sofia to Lauren. Which is absolutely absurd, in my opinion. Why on earth would I introduce Sofia to Lauren this early in our?" Arizona couldn't finish her sentence. She wasn't sure how to label whatever it was she and Lauren were doing. To say they were dating felt like an understatement, but yet it was the most appropriate term.

Dr. Eden noticed Arizona's unfinished sentence, and prioritized topics. She decided to ask about Callie first, and Lauren later. "Callie told you she switched daycare so you wouldn't introduce Sofia to Lauren?"

"Yes. She asked for ground rules around who I introduce our daughter to in the future."

"How do you feel about her request?"

"Actually, I think it's reasonable. I'm insulted by her accusation, but she's thinking of Sofia, and I can't fault her for that. Plus, I have a slight suspicion she's seeing someone and establishing rules around who our daughter spends time with is a good thing, any way you look at it. Ultimately, it's a chance for me to state my concerns, as well."

"You suspect Callie is seeing someone?"

"It was just something she intimated, well that's not the right word, she didn't intimate, it's more like she let it slip. She said she used the new daycare on evenings and weekends because it was close to home. I asked her why she didn't bring Sofia to me and she wouldn't answer, which made it obvious that she didn't want me to know she had evening or weekend plans."

"So, your suspicion stems from something she didn't say?"

"Yeah, I guess." Arizona said appreciating the reality check. Dr. Eden was a stickler for not assuming something is fact, until proven.

"If Callie told you she was seeing someone, how would you feel?"

"Honestly, I'd feel a little jealous, but I'm not sure I have a right to."

"How so?"

"If Callie is seeing someone, it's because I cheated. So what right do I have to be jealous? It just seems ridiculous." Arizona said flatly.

"You have a right to feel whatever you're feeling, Arizona. It's important to remember that you two were in therapy trying to work things out."

"I'm not sure what you mean."

"Well, it seemed to me that your therapy goal was to heal the past and dismantle the barriers that kept you apart. I'm not sure your therapeutic plan included either of you seeing other people. If Callie did start seeing someone, it would have broken the terms, just like they were broken several months ago when you interacted with Lauren."

"Hmmm… In the beginning, the ultimate goal was to work things out. I sometimes wonder if I hadn't moved out, if we would have stayed together. We were both so angry and hurt that sleeping under the same roof was unbearable. You know, I can't blame Callie for wanting to see other people though, she's an extremely extraverted person and she craves companionship."

Dr. Eden remained silent, hoping Arizona would continue.

Arizona suddenly realized she didn't want to dissect her tinge of jealousy any longer. There were far more important things she needed to work though. Quietly and quite vulnerably she said, "I don't know. I'm not thinking clearly. I might need to take some time off and go down the coast and be alone for a few days. I have a lot to sort through. Dr. Avery asked Lauren and I to take lead roles in a project that will ultimately have us spending a lot more time together and I want to be one-hundred percent certain about my reasons for accepting, or declining, his proposal."

"That's sound very wise, Arizona. Do you think you will be able to get the time off?"

"Oh yeah, absolutely. Owen has been extremely supportive."

Dr. Eden remembered Arizona's earlier struggle to define her relationship with Lauren and said. "We haven't discussed your conversation with Lauren yet. How did that go?"

Arizona smiled and sat up straighter. She was grateful for the opportunity to talk about Lauren. She needed to and had no one to share the intimate details with. "It felt really good to see her again. We spoke at length about what happened between us, and the repercussions that occurred after. She apologized for coming on strongly, which was nice to hear, though completely unnecessary. I made it clear to her that I was as invested in the sexual encounter as she was. Our conversation came easily, as usual, and the energy and connection between us was just as strong as it was three months ago. I kind-of lost myself in it and impulsively asked her out." Arizona stopped herself there and waited for Dr. Eden's reaction.

Dr. Eden suspected there was more and gently inquired, "Did Lauren accept your invitation?"

Arizona stunningly blue eyes provided an obvious answer. She reinforced her look by verbally adding, "Yes, we went out that same evening and had an amazing time. I told her I'd like to get to know her better and take things slowly. She thought it was a good idea. I dropped her at her hotel after and felt really proud of myself for stating my needs and holding a boundary. The next day, I had the blow up with Callie, however, and went to see her. Whilst there, I had a complete melted down and basically fell apart right in front of her."

"A meltdown? You mean a panic attack?"

"Yeah, well no, I mean not entirely. I think it was more like reverberations from the attack I had the day before. What happened with Lauren was different. With Callie, I couldn't stay in the room and had to leave the situation, but with Lauren, I didn't feel the same need to flee. I was able to talk though what was happening, as it was happening. She was very understanding, and comforting."

"And you think it was residual from not finding Sofia in daycare?" Dr. Eden asked with an inquisitive tone.

"Yeah, well that and it felt like Callie had all the control and I had none.

"What happened with Lauren to bring it back up?"

"That's where things get kind of ugly. Lauren had a run in with Callie who accused her of taking advantage of me," Arizona said searching Dr. Eden's face for a readable reaction.

"Advantage how?"

"Callie used the term vulnerable to describe me, which is something I wanted to ask you about. Do you think I chose to have an affair with Lauren because I'm vulnerable or have some kind of PTSD related vulnerability?"

Dr. Eden looked deeply into Arizona's eyes and replied directly, "I don't think you're acting out sexually, if that's what you mean."

Arizona suddenly realized the absurdity of her question. She laughed inwardly and said, "I don't think I'm acting out sexually either, but I've never been able to pin down the exact reason why I cheated."

Dr. Eden had worked with Arizona long enough to know how deeply affected she was over the guilt of having hurt her family. She hoped to deliver words that would put Arizona's concerns to rest, once and for all. "Arizona, I have PTSD clients affected by sexual impulsivity and their trauma stems from different forms of sexual abuse and sexual assault."

Arizona appreciated Dr. Eden's directness and decided to ask one follow up question, just to put her mind at ease. "So you don't think that I made an impulsive decision due to some form of vulnerability?"

Dr. Eden appreciated Arizona's persistence and said, "Arizona, I don't see you as vulnerable. People cheat on their partners all the time, and the majority of their indiscretion is rooted in unhappiness. It's as simple as that."

Arizona heard Dr. Eden's words. She felt relief and made a decision to be kinder to herself.

Dr. Eden quickly continued, "I'd like to ask you a question about the plane crash, if you don't mind.

Arizona nodded and said, "I don't mind."

"Since the crash, have you felt emotionally or physically trapped, in any way?"

Arizona's mind flashed back to that night and the way her leg was pinned under debris. She remembered wanting desperately to break free and treat her wound and the wounds of those around her. The crying, the moaning, the sounds of the forest and the crackling of fire resounded in her head, as well. Even though she was sitting across from Dr. Eden in safe environment, she felt like a part of her was still trapped in the woods and was anything but safe. Her heart raced as she remembered a time when she couldn't lift herself from her wheelchair, and another when she couldn't manage her prosthetic well enough to keep her balance. She considered these experiences to be perfect examples of times when she felt physically trapped. She nodded, but didn't speak.

Dr. Eden waited.

She then circled back to the original question and considered whether she felt emotionally trapped in any way. It occurred to her that there were times when she did. Not being able to see Sofia when she wanted was a perfect example. Legally she had no rights to her daughter, and until joint custody terms were formalized, she had no control of the situation. "There have been times when I have felt physically and emotionally trapped," she said softly.

Dr. Eden leaned in once again and showed genuine concern. "Arizona, do you remember when we first met and I told you about Life Wellness in Big Sur and asked you to consider going there as a way of augmenting our work together?"

Arizona let her mind drift back to their conversation and remembered that she had felt overwhelmed by the idea of being in individual therapy, couples therapy **_AND_** a five day inpatient program. She nodded and said, "Yes."

"You said the time wasn't right and I told you I would bring it up again in the future. Do you remember?"

"Yes."

"Well, the future is here."

Arizona inhaled slowly and considered Dr. Eden's proposal. In the past three months, she'd grown much stronger and was learning to share her feelings, rather than compartmentalize and process on her own. At the same time, she knew her fear of losing Sofia was causing severe unrest and that there was a long way to go before the joint custody terms would be formalized. She closed her eyes and opened herself to the idea. Intuitively, it seemed right and without second-guessing said, "Okay, I'll go."

Dr. Eden smiled widely and with a tone that revealed genuine warmth said, "Wonderful. I'll make the call this afternoon and you can probably check in tomorrow."

"I don't know if I'm feeling strong enough to get on a plane, just yet. I'll need to drive down and I'm not sure I could get there so soon," Arizona confessed.

Dr. Eden acknowledged Arizona's concern and said, "I can set it up for the day after tomorrow, if that's better?" Then added, "One of the things I like most about Life Wellness is their inclusion of EMDR. They use eye movement desensitization reprocessing to treat and cure the symptoms of big T and little T trauma. While there, you can choose EMDR to treat any flying anxiety you might have, if you so choose."

Arizona recalled a patient's mother whose fear of chemotherapy was so great that she could barely bring her daughter in for treatments. She found a therapist who specialized in EMDR and was cured of her anxiety. "I actually know a little about EMDR and am willing to give it a try," she said confidently.

Dr. Eden smiled again. "I'll let you know as soon as the arrangement are made."

"Thank you," Arizona replied. She checked her watch and realized they were out of time. It occurred to her that they hadn't discussed her sexual encounter with Lauren, like she'd hoped, but she didn't feel anxious about it, or like she was hiding an important piece of her story. Her interactions with Lauren were not the root cause of her anxiety. She stood to go and noticed an odd sense of relief. This was one of those therapy sessions that brought about great insight, she thought to herself. Before taking her leave, she made direct eye contact with Dr. Eden and said, "I really appreciate your help."

Dr. Eden held eye contact and said, "I'm glad to be a part of your healing journey. I think you're doing amazing work."

After leaving Dr. Eden's office, Arizona took the elevator past Peds and went directly to the hospital daycare. She spent a good hour with Sofia before letting Owen know of her plans to leave for California in the morning. She trusted he would make the necessary arrangements to cover her shifts and was grateful she didn't have any pressing surgeries on the books for the next week. Taking care of her emotional and physical well-being was the greatest gift she could give herself, and she wasn't going to pass this opportunity by.


	13. Chapter 13

Aftermath, Chapter 13 – Life Wellness

I do not own the majority of these characters. Arizona, Lauren, Callie, Mark and Sofia belong to Grey's Anatomy and Co, as do all other Grey's Anatomy cast referred to in this story.

Arizona turned the motor off and sat for a minute before exiting her vehicle. The drive down was a perfect combination of sunshine, ocean views, relaxing music, and time alone. She'd stayed up late the night before, wanting to spend extra quality time with Sofia, even if meant watching her while she slept.

When dropping Sofia at Callie's, she was relieved that the exchange went well. She'd had mixed feelings about telling Callie where she was going. As a mom, she wanted her to know; should anything happen to their daughter, but as a soon-to-be ex-spouse, she wanted her privacy. Callie's reaction was better than she thought it would be, however. It was almost as if she felt genuine happiness over Arizona's decision to admit herself into a five day inpatient trauma center.

Arizona slowly approached the entrance to Life Wellness. She took time to inhale the salty oceanic air and marveled at the sight of sea-side and horse pasture. The entire facility was surrounded by well-kept native plants and perfectly groomed walking paths. One couldn't ask for a more perfect place to heal, she thought. The fact that Life Wellness saw very few patients at a time brought her comfort, also. She wanted to be there, but didn't want the world to know she was.

Upon entering, Arizona noticed a small desk at the corner of the Great Room. This room was filled with gigantic indoor plants, massive windows, sky lights, trickling water fountains and casual seating. Something about it said there was no need to hurry. She approached a smallish gentleman in his mid-twenties standing near the desk and said, "Hello."

"Hi. Checking in?" he asked looking up and offering a smile.

"Yes," Arizona replied.

"Dr. Eden's patient?"

"That's me."

"Wonderful, we've been expecting you. It's so great to have you here with us. I have a few forms for you to sign and then you're all set."

Arizona smiled and took a seat near the back windows and noticed a creek and small foot bridge leading to an outdoor seating area. A perfect place for morning coffee, she thought.

Once finished, she took a deep breath and handed over the completed paperwork.

"Please come with me and I'll show you to your cabin," the young man said. "I'm Alejandro, by the way.

"It's nice to meet you Alejandro," Arizona said and followed closely behind.

Arizona was led out the back doors, over the creek and footbridge, past the sitting area and through old growth. They arrived at single occupancy cabin where Alejandro handed her the key.

The cabin that was only a few yards from a large free standing octagon shaped building that had a tall glass climbing wall along one end. Just to the right of the building was a swimming pool and ropes course. Arizona smiled and thought to herself, they obviously love their empowerment tools here. Her observation brought her comfort, rather than irritation though. She was growing to appreciate the belief that when a person**_ feels_** strong, they can accomplish anything they put their mind to.

"You're on your own for the evening. Our chef is on until 9:00 pm, so please visit her whenever you're hungry. She prepares the most amazing meals. Also, take note of the empty journal next to your bed. Writing down your feelings and experiences is part of the treatment plan at Life Wellness. If you'd like to get started tonight, please do. Many guests find their first journal entry to be a very helpful tool later on."

Arizona smiled and said, "Thank you."

Alejandro returned her smile. "Kenna will meet you in the Great Room tomorrow morning at 8:00 am. Should you need anything before hand, just let me know."

Arizona noticed how gentle Alejandro's speech pattern was. She felt welcome and at ease. After he left, she tossed her bag on the bed and looked at the nightstand where he said the journal would be. She walked to it and traced its edges with her fingertips. It occurred to her that she hadn't written in a journal since she was a teenager. She cringed at the memory of the angst and longing.

After dinner, Arizona decided to explore the grounds before sunset. She walked to the pasture and wished the horses were out. She liked them, from a distance, and was slightly nervous about working with them over the next five days. Life Wellness was known best for its equine therapy program.

Arizona left the pasture and strolled alone one of the main walking paths. She admired the handcrafted stone sitting benches tucked in along the way. Seeing the sun was about to set, she went back to the kitchen for a cup of tea, which she enjoyed from the second story balcony of the main building. Everything about the evening was absolutely perfect.

Once the sun had set, Arizona decided to explore the West section of the grounds before retiring for the evening. The West walking trail brought her to a stone yurt with a sign on the door that read: Silent Meditation Area, All Are Welcome. She felt drawn to this space and entered quietly, leaving her sandals at the door. There were many sitting cushions scattered about and several sitting chairs along the outside walls. All were arranged to allow a center isle that led to a stone alter adorned with no statue of a God, a Goddess, Buddha or guru. As a nonreligious person, Arizona found it refreshing that the alter was laden with freshly cut flowers, stones stacked on top of one another, bundles of fresh sage and lighted candles instead.

Arizona enjoyed the peacefulness of the space and quietly took a seat along a Southwest-facing wall. She sensed a presence and once her eyes adjusted to the light, scanned the perimeter. Her eyes found a small figure sitting cross-legged upon a floor cushion; staring out the window, rather than at the altar. She guessed the woman to be around twenty years of age, maybe a little younger. There was just enough light streaming in for Arizona to see she had burn scars along the right side of her face and down her neck. She also noticed scars on both of her hands. Even though the rest of her body was covered with clothing, Arizona knew there were other scars, especially those that wouldn't be detected by the human eye.

Wanting to give the young woman her privacy, Arizona exited as quietly as she'd came. The peacefulness of the meditation area accompanied her to her cabin and throughout her shower. As she crawled into bed, she considered what kind of trauma a burn victim might experience. She picked up her journal and wrote:

Journal Entry – First Night

_Where to begin? The last time I kept a journal, I was ridiculously young and completely in lust with a girl down the street. Ah, Theresa Snow, where are you now? Anyway, I think the main point is to write about my feelings – so here goes. _

_Earlier, this evening, I felt a wave of calmness wash over me—actually, it surged though me. I had stumbled upon a sanctuary on the grounds and was drawn in. I saw a young woman there. Something about her quiet strength affected me. It's funny because no one would look at her and consider her strong. She was small and quite frail, but the strength I sensed emanating from her presence was fascinating. There was just something about the way she sat at the window, looking out at the world. Perhaps preparing to join it, or perhaps guarding from it, I'm not sure. Maybe I'm just projecting and seeing myself, or a delusion of myself? It doesn't matter. What I know is that I get the sense that there's something out there waiting for me, but I need to be the one to go after it, even if it means taking major risks. _

_As for what else I'm feeling? I'm a little nervous about the next five days. This is no small undertaking. I have no regrets coming here though. I know I need to do something about my anxiety and how I respond to future challenges with Callie. Hopefully I can figure out a way to manage my anger toward her. I can't go back to feeling the way I did right after the amputation. I just can't. _

Day 1 – 7:00 am

Arizona's alarm sounded. She appreciated the ring tone. It was gentle, not jarring. She got up slowly and made her way to the cafeteria. She'd opted for coffee and a banana, which she enjoyed in sitting area she noticed yesterday. She was grateful to find she had the entire space to herself and enjoyed the rest of her of her free-time before arriving at the Great Room at 8:00 am.

"Good morning, I'm Dr. Salo, please call me Kenna."

Arizona looked into the blue eyes of the fair skinned red haired woman before her. They were around the same height, but Kenna had the body of a gymnast. She took her extended hand in greeting and was struck by the strength of her grip.

"Raye sent over your records yesterday and I had a chance to go over them, so I was thinking we could head over to my office and make a plan for the day. Sound good?"

Arizona smiled at the use of Dr. Eden's first name. She wondered how they knew each other, given the obvious age difference. "Sounds good," she replied.

"My office is over here," Kenna said and gently led the way to the side of the building.

Once there, she opened the door and stepped back to allow Arizona to enter. "Please, sit anywhere you like."

Arizona opted for the nearest seat.

Kenna took one opposite her and said, "Before we talk about the day, do you have any questions, or is there anything you need to feel at home?"

Arizona thought for a moment. She really didn't need anything. She didn't have any questions either, though she knew she would as the conversation progressed. "I'm good for now, thanks."

"Great," Kenna said slapping her palms on her knees. "Let's plan the day then, shall we? How about I offer you an outline of what a day at LW looks like, and then you can tell me if it sounds reasonable, or if you have other ideas?"

Arizona nodded and appreciated the flexibility.

"As your primary counselor, I have the wonderful role of bookend. This means I see you first thing in the morning and then again before dinner. Evenings are your own to journal and process the day's events. A typical day includes one activity after our morning session, a lunch break, an afternoon activity, and then we wrap up together back here in my office. Activities include equine therapy, art therapy, climbing therapy, EMDR, virtual simulation, yoga, meditation, and any kind of gym activity – which range from kick boxing, to weight lifting, to video enhanced mountain biking, and wall ball."

"Wow," Arizona said taking in all the options and noticing the physicality of many of them.

"May I make one suggestion?"

"Please."

"If you're interested in the equine program, we should get you started from day one and have your morning activities there."

"I'm definitely interested in equine therapy. When Dr. Eden first mentioned it, intuitively it seemed like a good fit."

"Great," Kenna said nodding excitedly. "Raye is a huge supporter of our program. Is there anything else you know you'd like to sign up for?"

"Actually, I like the idea of EMDR for flight anxiety."

"Wonderful. Gayle, our EMDR therapist is here all week. Do you mind if I make a complimentary suggestion, since you're open to EMDR?"

"Arizona nodded slowly, feeling a bit anxious about all she was about to undertake."

"I'd like to set up VS enhanced EMDR for at least two afternoons. I would work with you, and together we would work with our video enhancement expert."

"What does it involve?"

"Well, it begins with you describing the physical details of your experience; where you were, what the setting was like, if it was dark or light, etc. We use this information to replicate the scene. Then we add finer details, like what you remember happening around you, if there were levels of immediate danger or anything that stood out as significant. We then have you view the replication during EMDR to reprogram, through visual cues, and talk therapy, the way your brain reacts to the memories and stimulation. This is a noninvasive way to effectively balance the brains response to trauma and permits a wider range of responses to memories and triggers."

"Why the video enhancement piece?" Arizona asked, hearing the doctor in her.

"VS is simply a helpful tool that frees the mind from having to work too hard searching for details," Kenna replied."

Arizona felt a ping of anxiety around the idea of creating a virtual simulation of the crash and seeing herself pinned under debris. Softly, and quite vulnerably, she shared her concern.

In a soft and comforting voice, Kenna replied, "The anxiety you describe is actually a good thing as it makes the EMDR treatment that much more effective. You'll be in control of every moment and can say stop at any time. We can approach it whatever way is most comfortable for you, and you can be in charge of how detailed we get."

Arizona remembered Lauren having a very similar opinion of anxiety and agreed to give it a try.

Kenna leaned in and asked, "Have you considered signing up for a climbing session?"

"Uhm, no, I mean, not really. I'm not sure it's a good fit for me." Arizona said revealing vulnerability.

"Well, please don't rule it out. We've had many guests with injuries similar to yours have a great experience learning to climb."

"Yeah?"

"Absolutely! One of our former guests loved it so much he had a prosthetic made with a narrow foot that is perfect for climbing."

Arizona considered what it would be like to climb with a prosthetic. As a former runner, she had strong thighs that she knew would support her. As a mom, she had incredible upper body strength that she knew would also work to her advantage. Maybe a climbing session isn't a bad idea, she thought, and said, "Sure, why not!"

"Fabulous. Now I just need you to choose one more complimentary therapy and we're right as rain."

Arizona smiled at the expression and thought back to her experience in the sanctuary the night before and said, "I'd like to learn to meditate."

"Perfect! Tidje is a fabulous instructor. Shall we begin?"

"Absolutely," Arizona said, feeling ready.

Life Wellness, Day One

Arizona's first session with Kenna was relatively light. They spent time talking about life before the crash, being raised in a military family, how and why Arizona became a peds surgeon and coping strategies that worked specifically for her to reduce anxiety.

Equine therapy was the total opposite. It involved little or no verbal communication. Dahli, a beautiful brown mare with white markings would only approach someone whose energy was calm and inviting. Arizona was relieved when Dahli took an interest in her and even more grateful when she nuzzled to be petted. Making that happen took a lot of effort on Arizona's part, however. She couldn't pretend she was fine, or compartmentalize her fear, she had to self-regulate and truly be open with Dahli. Unfortunately, Arizona was quickly intimidated by her size, which caused her anxiety level to rise and Dahli to back away. Steven, her equine therapist said she did better than most on their first try.

Afternoon meditation was equally interesting. Learning from Tidje how to meditate was an experience Arizona would never forget. Tidje made dividing the in-breath into three separate actions exciting and magical, all at once. "Feel the sensation of the air as it enters your nostrils and tune in as your lungs expand to take in healing oxygen. After you've taken all you need, pause and feel the power of the entire Universe heal your body, mind and soul. Exhale when ready and release all tension and fear." For a brief second, Arizona felt like her lesson on meditation was a little too holistic. The feeling subsided the moment she felt exactly what Tidje described, however. Strength entered her body and tension left. She described the feeling to Kenna during their evening session, saying, "It was amazing. I simply let my fear, anger, and resentment go."

Kenna let Arizona know how important an observation she made. They spent the rest of their time discussing the impact anger has on a persons nervous system. Before they parted company, Arizona confessed to moments of anger so great that she couldn't stop herself from lashing out at those she loved. Kenna asked Arizona if she'd thought she needed to make amends, to which Arizona replied, "I don't know. I guess if I had one wish, I'd turn back time."

Kenna considered Arizona's statement carefully and asked Arizona to spend time that evening writing about what life was like right before the plane crash.

Journal Entry Day 1

_I have now completed day 1 of my 5-day stay at Life Wellness. It was an amazing day. I enjoyed meeting Dahli and loved that she let me scratch her snout, even if it was only for a brief second. Tomorrow I will try again and if all goes well, I'll brush her. I know this will take a lot of self-regulating on my part, but it's worth it. It's fascinating how Dahli senses energy. Words can definitely mask feelings._

_After dinner, I stopped by the sanctuary. I sat in a chair along the wall and had the place to myself for quite some time. It felt really good to clear my mind. After awhile, the young woman from last night came by. She brought freshly picked flowers and laid them on the alter before she took her seat by the window. I watched her settle onto a floor cushion and couldn't help but notice how still she was. I think she's been practicing meditation for a very long time, which is odd considering how young she is. Perhaps meditation has something to do with the quiet strength that seems to emanate from her._

_Per Kenna's request, I'll finish by remembering life before the crash. Callie and I would still be trying to work through our differences and Mark would still be a huge part of the equation. Nick would have just gotten back to the States and he'd be suffering tremendously. Teddy would still be in Seattle, but she'd be in pain, also. Things would be complicated, just as they are now, only a different kind of complicated. I'd still be questioning whether Callie and I could pick up where we left off. Equally important, I'd still be trying to forgive her for not being more supportive of my work in Malawi. The pregnancy would still have been unplanned and I'd still be wondering why Callie didn't take precautions, unless having Mark's baby was part of her agenda from day one. Anyway, there's no point in trying to figure the pregnancy piece out now. I mean I know she thought we were over and it was her life and her choice, I get that. I didn't have a choice, however, and if I did, I would never have chosen Mark as a donor. So, when I think of turning back time, I need to be honest about my feelings back then. Everything wasn't as happy go lucky as one would think. _

_Okay, this needs to be enough for now. I don't want to feel sad or angry tonight; I want to feel proud of all I've accomplished today and of myself for taking this step forward._

Life Wellness, Day Two

Morning therapy began with Kenna asking Arizona about her writing exercise. In detail, Arizona went over every aspect of her journal entry. This led to a conversation about fundamental differences. Arizona explained that she has always been extremely driven and that she didn't believe a relationship should come between her and her career. "Certainly, there's a way to have both," she said. Then, at Kenna's prompting, Arizona described Callie as moderately career driven, extremely social, and a bit preoccupied with marriage, family, and friendships.

Equine therapy went very well. Arizona was able, for a brief time, to brush Dahli. She found it easier to stay open than it was the day before and knew something magical had happened. When finished, she stood near the edge of the fence and marveled at Dahli's beauty. She imagined what it would be like to live on a farm and smiled at the idea of seeing horses and chickens running around.

EMDR therapy didn't bring the same amount of enchantment, but it did have a huge impact. It was surprising to Arizona how easy EMDR actually was. All she had to do was share her feeling, open to the fear caused by the traumatic event, and receive bilateral stimulation. This was done though virtual simulation. Just by looking into a screen and holding onto an object shaped like a bow tie, Arizona experienced waiting in line at the airport, boarding a plane, taxying to the runway, lifting off, normal turbulence, and landing in another airport.

Evening therapy with Kenna circled back to their morning discussion around her unhappiness in her marriage before the crash. Nothing new was said, but the benefit of sharing feelings was reinforced. Her writing assignment was to dig deep and search for feelings she had, and still might need to share.

Journal Entry Day 2

_Today was a packed day. Equine therapy and EMDR went well. Therapy went well, also. Kenna and I spoke at length about my decision to come back from Malawi. She asked me to dig deep for feelings that I haven't shared. I do have a few, but I feel like an ass for even bringing up the first one. I'm not sure I would ever say this to Callie, or whether I should, so I'll write it here and let it sit awhile. I'm extremely mad at her for being so obsessed with her phone conversation with Mark that day in the car that she removed her seatbelt and put herself and our unborn child in harms way. I've always believed that if she had been wearing it, she'd have sustained minor injuries, and nothing more. I've also spent a lot of time working through my part in the accident. While it was an accident, and nothing more, I've often blamed myself for paying more attention to Callie than the road. _

_The second feeling I've thought about sharing involves something I've never said to Callie, and it's something I think I should. I really would like to thank her for being the one person I've loved enough to marry and have a child with. In my heart, I truly believe, that if she and I were more alike, or handled crisis similarly, we'd have been able to share our feelings and communicate more effectively. This is not to say we can't learn to do so now, but I think the amount of crisis we've endured in our relationship has altered the way we love each other. Quiet frankly, it's been awhile since we were in love. This written, I do believe there's enough nonromantic love between us that we can at least figure out how to co-parent well. Ultimately, we both want the best for our daughter._

Life Wellness, Day 3

Arizona began her day with breakfast and a short walk before meeting Kenna. She'd slept well the night before and woke up ready to greet the day. She told Kenna about how well she'd slept and partially credited her time in the sanctuary for her peaceful state of mind. Without measuring words, she said, "I'm starting to think of myself as a survivor. Since I've been here, I've realized I'm not the only person who has had a life dream drastically altered in some way, shape, or form. I'm also starting to realize that we all experience some kind of adversity and it's how we respond to it that matters most."

Equine therapy was a bit more challenging. The session goal was to put a bridle on Dahli, which required Arizona to stand on a wooden bench. Naturally this made her anxious and so much so that she wasn't able to accomplish the task. She and Steven agreed that it was a reasonable goal and one worth trying again the following day.

Virtual simulation was also challenging. Even though Kenna was there, comforting and encouraging, just the act of describing the scene evoked strong emotions. It ended up taking the entire afternoon. When finally finished, Arizona told Kenna she didn't have it in her to end their day with a therapy session. Kenna agreed and made Arizona promise that if anytime throughout the evening she should need to talk, to let Alejandro know and she'd be there within the hour.

Journal Entry Day 3

_Today was by far one of the most difficult days I've had here. I wasn't able to get a bridle on Dahli and I'm upset over why. I know I like to do things well, and I push myself to exceed. I also know I'm not easy on myself when I fail, though, as Steven says, I'm not supposed to look at what happened today as a failure. And, clearly, it's just one moment in time, but I was so proud of myself for having done so well at being calm around Dahli. Perhaps, if I could have reached her forehead without having to stand on the stool, I could have put the bridle on her. I'm always so afraid of losing my balance. It is just so exhausting. It's the same fear that I have in the operating room. I'm terrified that one day I'll be overly focused on a procedure and will lose my balance and fall to the floor and the patient will suffer because I forgot to pay attention to my footing._

_Something else that was extremely difficult about today was describing the crash. I did my best to stay open, but it was incredibly difficult. I'm not sure how I feel about it yet, so there's not much I can write. I'm also feeling a bit tired and lonely tonight; which is a challenging combination. I promised myself that I'd make these five days about me, and I'm staying committed to my goal, but I'm also tempted to call Lauren and escape into her good nature. Again, I'm staying focused, and won't call, but I do need to say that I miss her. _

Life Wellness, Day Four

Kenna used their morning meeting to highlight all that Arizona had accomplished at LW since she'd arrived. She also helped her prepare for her final EMDR session. Together they determined which coping strategies would be best for re-experiencing trauma.

Arizona carried a sense of empowerment to equine therapy and after several attempts to get the bridle on Dahli, succeeded. Everyone cheered, including Arizona. She noticed that her self-appreciation was genuine, and not forced. She also noticed that she was honoring her accomplishment from a place in her heart, rather than her mind. She had stood on a wooden bench, kept her balance and worked with Dahli to achieve her goal. This alone spoke volumes. Her days of trying to reclaim the woman she once was were over. She had arrived. Arizona Robbins was herself again.

Afternoon VS enhanced EMDR therapy went just, also. The process was much shorter than she thought and she ended up remembering and discussing things she hadn't thought of since the crash. The smell of dried blood and gasoline, the sound of a rock banging against steel, the rustling of animal in the nearby forest all became part of the therapeutic practice. When finished, she and Kenna sat silently, both basking in the fruits of their labor.

Journal Entry Day Four

_I don't even know where to begin. I had the most amazing day. I mean, all of this has been incredibly difficult, and certainly I've had emotional ups and downs; and all throughout, it has been absolutely amazing. I feel the strongest I've felt since the crash. I've learned how to not compartmentalize my feelings and why it is important to share them. In my bones, I know the EMDR has already had a positive effect. Something is different. I can't explain exactly what, but it's just different-or I'm different. I can't believe I've spent so much time focusing on all that was wrong, when really there is so much around me that is right. I know my anger was all part of a grieving process, so I'm not going to shame myself over it; instead I'm going to consider it a stage and one that is behind me now. _

Life Wellness, Day Five

The peds surgeon and trauma specialist spent the entire morning going over the way the brain processes trauma. Arizona couldn't help but smile as Kenna explained in great detail how the brain develops grooves that can be rewired with bilateral stimulation. Her features appeared more wise than young and Arizona realized they shared a drive for excellence.

Equine therapy involved leading Dahli across a fenced in area and over a large log. "Horses aren't fond of stepping over logs in general, unless led by someone they trust," Steven said. Arizona looked at Dahli and was relieved that her bridle was already on. Steven handed her the reins and squeezed her arm confidently. "Just center yourself and you'll be fine."

Arizona followed Steven's encouragement and was elated that Dahli traveled the entire length of the pasture without resistance and only hesitated slightly before stepping over the log. Arizona had sensed Dahli's hesitation in time to consciously offer comforting energy. The experience brought Arizona to tears. She was immersed in an energetic language that would open doors to communication forever.

Her final session of the day was just as rewarding. Arizona arrived to find the woman from the sanctuary awaiting her. It hadn't occurred to her that she might be staff. She was pleasantly surprised and equally grateful for the chance to have some sort of interaction.

"Hi, I'm Lael. It's nice to meet you," the smallish woman said softly.

Arizona smiled widely and looked deeply into dark pools of absolute gentleness. "Hi, I'm Arizona. It's nice to meet you, as well."

Lael held eye contact and inquired, "Have you ever climbed?"

"No, never."

"Any fear of heights to mention, or anxiety about wearing a harness?"

"No fear of heights, or wearing a harness, but I am a little nervous. I have a prosthetic under these linen pants I'm wearing and I'm kind of afraid I won't be able to support myself, or keep my balance."

"No worries," the young woman replied assuredly. "You'll be great. We can set a goal of how high you want to go, or we can follow a project, which is climber's word for path. You pick a project by following the colors of the foot and hand grips, also known as jibs."

Arizona scanned the wall and could see that there were indeed color coded paths. "Is there a beginner's project?" she asked.

Absolutely! It's marked in orange and is actually a really fun path. It's one of my favorites. Shall I show you how this works?"

"Please."

Lael stepped into her harness, teaching Arizona about the design and assuring her of the autobelay's safety. She gracefully and skillfully followed the orange path to the top, rang the bell, pushed off the wall with her feet, and descended to the floor.

Arizona took a deep breath as Lael walked toward her with a harness. She allowed the young woman to help her into it and was glad to hear her say, "There's two ways to approach a wall. One is to just start, and find your path as you go. Another is to study it from the ground and locate the area that will give you the most trouble and develop a plan for how to manage it."

Arizona liked the second approach best and took a step back to examine the big picture. She could see there was one area that would require her to take a wide side step and decided she could manage this by holding tightly with both hands. After a long while, she turned to Lael and said, "I'm ready."

"Wonderful! I'm right here if you need me."

Arizona approached the wall and told herself she could do this. The first few steps were easy. The jibs, as Lael called them, were wide and her shoes fit them perfectly. As she got higher, she had to reach further with her hands. She managed this well and cleared half the project before running into a glitch. By the time she needed to take her wide side step, adrenaline had kicked in. She could feel it surging through her veins, but instead of firing her up, it made her cautious. She told herself not to allow thoughts of her prosthetic to interfere-that the weight of her body and the way she was pressed against the wall would prevent it from slipping. Unfortunately, the thought persisted and ultimately overwhelmed her; leaving her frozen in place. She tried to look down, but couldn't. She wanted to call for help, but the words wouldn't come.

Lael, a trauma informed climber responded quickly. Without a sound, she ascended to Arizona's level and made direct eye contact. "You can do this," she said confidently. "Just breathe and when you're ready, take one large step toward me. That's all you have to do; just one large step, nothing more."

Arizona looked into the kind eyes of the young woman and felt a shared experience. She tightened her grip and took a step. With the front of her shoe, she caught the tip of the jig and instinctively used her core to secure her footing. She looked over and saw Lael grinning from ear to ear.

"You did it, Arizona. You did it. It's a cake-walk project from here, I promise."

Lael was right. Arizona scaled the entire rest of the wall without difficulty. She hadn't factored in what it might feel like to be at the top and ring the bell. Though she felt incredibly proud of what she'd accomplished, she also knew adrenaline had taken over, and as a result her entire body shook. She couldn't let go.

"It's okay, Arizona. The autobelay will support you. Just push off with your legs and let gravity do the rest," Lael said from below.

"I'm shaking too much."

"All the more reason to let go. Holding on is taking a toll."

Lael said the words Arizona needed to hear. Holding on was taking a toll, both metaphorically and physically. She needed to let go. She counted to three and pushed off, landing on her dominant leg and experiencing no pain.

At the bottom, Lael threw Arizona a high-five before helping her out of her harness.

Both women stood quietly looking at the wall before them. Nothing was said, but a bond was formed. Seeing Lael's burn wounds and knowing that she was a survivor who radiated strength and grace brought everything into perspective for Arizona.

Evening session with Kenna left Arizona feeling more joy and peace than she'd felt in years. They went over all the highs and lows of her five-day stay and Arizona felt her heart swell with gratitude.

Arizona's time at LW ended with a goodbye visit to Dahli and trip to the sanctuary. While walking from the stall to the stone yurt, she noticed a few wild flowers and followed Lael's lead. She entered quietly, removed her sandals at the door and walked directly to the alter. Before making her offering, she closed her eyes and gave thanks to whomever or whatever was listening. As she turned to go, something inside her said, at least take a peek out Lael's window. She acquiesced to her curiosity. What she found was a fantastic view of the ocean through the trees. She once again had the feeling that there was something out there waiting for her and new it would involve a certain amount of risk.

Before starting the engine, Arizona considered her options. She'd originally planned to spend the night in Big Sur and drive home in the morning. Now, she realized she had choices. She could drive well into the night and be home before sunrise, or she could impulsively try out her recent EMDR flight therapy and catch a plane to North Carolina and invite Lauren to a late dinner. She used her phone to check flight times and found one that would put her in Ashville by 8:00 pm. It would have her back in Southern Cali by midnight, given the time difference, and this seemed doable. She closed her eyes and paid attention to her feelings. She would make her decision based on what she felt was best in the moment.

To Be Continued in Chapter 14

(Thanks for reading. Arizona's choice will be revealed at the beginning of the next chapter. This was a hard piece to write and I didn't have a lot of time to edit. I opted to get it to you sooner, rather than later, and will edit it once again in a few days. Now, I'm off for a lovely Pride Weekend. Yay! Congratulation to everyone celebrating the dismantling of DOMA! What a week!)

All my best, Askait


	14. Chapter 14

Aftermath, Chapter 14 – Impulsivity

I do not own these characters. They belong to Grey's Anatomy and Co.

_Journal Entry, Day 5_

_Life Wellness was absolutely amazing. I feel stronger than I've felt in years. Yes, there are many challenges ahead, but I feel ready to take them on. When I get back to Seattle, I'm going to hire an attorney who specializes in same-gender divorce and child custody. Callie and I have a number of investments we're going to need to separate, as well. I'll let a professional take care of this. I need to spend my energy maintaining the peace and wellness I've gained over the past five days. I also need to focus on what little time I have with Sofia, when I have it, and enjoy being her mom._

_As for this very moment? I'm writing this journal entry while on a flight to North Carolina. I can't believe I'm actually on a plane again. I'm definitely a new believer in EMDR therapy. My flight anxiety is literally gone. I can't remember flying ever being this easy. It is one less barrier to factor into building a Peds Clinic in Syria. It is also one less pressure! If I've learned anything these past four months it's that all the compartmentalizing, keeping things in and maintaining control wreaks havoc on my nervous system._

_On other fronts? I'm excited to see Lauren again. I'm so glad she is free to meet for a glass of wine tonight. I know flying to NC was an extremely impulsive decision, but it's not always a bad thing to act on impulses, right? From this point forward, my new motto needs to be, __**live in the moment**__! I just need to be mindful of the consequences; and seriously, what horrible consequence could stem from a roundtrip flight to North Carolina and spending time with a woman whose company I absolutely enjoy?_

Lauren felt intense excitement over what had just transpired. For a brief second, she thought her mind was playing tricks on her. She picked up her phone to reread the text exchange between herself and Arizona. She beamed as she read each line.

_Hi, Stranger. Feeling impulsive?_

_Hey you! Of course! What are you thinking?_

_I'm looking at round-trips to NC this evening and wonder if you're free for a glass of wine?_

_Seriously?_

_Yes._

_Absolutely! _

_Wonderful! I'll arrive on Delta SE448._

_Seriously?_

_Yes._

_Fantastic! I'll meet you at the gate._

_Yay! See you soon(ly)._

_:) Soon(ly)._

Arizona felt Lauren's presence before she actually saw her standing by the gate. She closed the distance between them and examined every inch of the lithe strawberry blonde as she approached.

Lauren felt her breath hitch the instant she saw the gorgeous blonde exit the jet way. She matched Arizona's smile with her own and contemplated the impulsivity of her decision to fly in for the evening. Examining every inch the curvaceous Goddess walking toward her, she detected a new confidence in her stride. It was something she hadn't seen before, at least not to this degree.

Arizona loved that Lauren was dressed in well-worn jeans, square-toed yet feminine boots donned by a lot of Southern women, and a midnight blue button-up. She took in the way Lauren's unbuttoned button provided a seductive glimpse of cleavage and clear view of perfectly arched collarbones. Just when Arizona thought she couldn't feel more inundated by sexual attraction, she was wrong. All it took was for Lauren to say, "Hey, you." with a slight rasp and subtle drawl and Arizona was done. Her body literally reacted to Lauren's timbre and cadence. As she stepped into her open arms, she once again felt utterly swept away by their connection.

"Hey, yourself," she said holding Lauren close. She took her time and focused on the sensation of the fronts of their thighs touching. She let her mind slip back to that night in the On-Call room and the intensity of their sexual encounter. Her body shook involuntarily, giving away her thoughts. She was grateful to feel Lauren's grip tighten in response. She let the language of their bodies converse a few seconds more; then partially released her lithe lover by stepping away slightly, but leaving one hand on her bicep.

Lauren looked deeply into Arizona's eyes and smiled. Something about the talented peds surgeon seemed different. She seemed stronger, somehow. Without hesitation she husked, "I've missed you."

Arizona heard the steady rasp in Lauren's voice and wondered it she was tired. "I've missed you too," she replied softly.

"I can't believe you're here," Lauren said her face mirroring the sentiment of her words.

"Yeah, that's a bit of a story," Arizona replied realizing there was a world of activity around them. "Shall we find a quiet place to talk?"

"Sure," Lauren answered enthusiastically. "I know the perfect place. It's bizarre but we actually have a great wine venue right upstairs."

"Lead the way," Arizona said with the wave of her hand.

Upon reaching their destination, Lauren ordered two glasses of wine at the bar while Arizona settled into a booth by a wall of glass. She looked past the airport activity to the landscape and ridges upon the horizon. She wondered what Lauren would think of her decision to admit herself into a five-day inpatient trauma rehabilitation program. She made a mental note of all she wanted to discuss; her time in Big Sur being only one aspect.

"Here you go," Lauren said sliding an extremely full glass of red by its base toward Arizona. She settled into the booth opposite the woman who flew across the entire country and placed her palms flat on the table, one on each side of her equally full glass.

Arizona stared at Lauren's long lean fingers and contemplated the rasp she'd heard come from her lover's vocal cords. It occurred to her that she was discovering a tell about Lauren; one that caused a sympathetic ache in her being. She discreetly studied her features and identified what she suspected was weariness and a hint of sadness. Quietly and concernedly she asked, "How are you?"

Lauren heard the hint of disquiet in Arizona's voice. She assumed her tired features and raspy vocals had given away the difficult night she'd had. She didn't mind sharing with Arizona what she had been through, but was more interested in her reason for flying in. She let curiosity take center stage and with a smitten kitten look upon her face answered, "All good, Dr. Robbins. Now do tell, what brings you to Ashville, North Carolina?"

Feeling her face flush, Arizona answered honestly, "Two reasons, actually. One, I'm testing out a post EMDR flying treatment, and two, I wanted to see you." As Arizona finished with the second part of her sentence, she placed her palms flat on the table, mimicking Lauren's, and slid them until their fingertips touched. She left them there for several seconds before sliding back again and taking a sip of wine.

Lauren was open to the physical contact and thought she felt some kind of electricity emitting from Arizona's hands. She considered her disclosure and felt flattered. She then pondered her mention of EMDR therapy and how brave it was of her to fly again. They had never spoken of the crash, but Lauren gathered enough information to believe Arizona hadn't been on a plane since. With absolute sincerity she said, "That's fantastic, Arizona! Seriously. Good for you for choosing EMDR! It's a wonderfully noninvasive option." She wanted to ask questions, but decided to wait for more. She trusted that if Arizona wanted to share details, she would.

Sensing an opportunity to continue, Arizona took a long slow sip of wine, followed her action with a deep breath and settled in. Once ready, she quietly and confidently said, "I've just spent five days in a trauma rehab center on the coast of California."

Lauren raised an eyebrow and ardently inquired, "Life Wellness in Big Sur?"

Something about the tone of Lauren's voice prompted Arizona to ask, "Are you familiar?"

"I am, actually. Very familiar."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, remember when I told you my mom specialized in brain development?"

"Uh hmm."

"Well much of her early work took place in trauma centers around the world and Life Wellness was one of them."

Arizona paused. For the first time she wondered if she and Lauren were destined to cross paths. She wasn't the type of person to question such things, but something about this connection seemed noteworthy. Without measuring words she said, "What an amazing coincidence."

"Yeah," Lauren said nodding. "I spent a weekend there in my early teens. My mom often brought me along with her to consultations. I remember there being beautiful horses and breathtaking oceanic views."

"Still are, horses and views that is," Arizona replied while recalling her time with Dahli and the scene from Lael's window. "I enrolled in their equine therapy program, actually. It was everything I needed, and more."

Lauren suddenly understood why Arizona seemed so much stronger. She was stronger. Her heart swelled with joy for the woman who moved her id and essence. She leaned across the table and placed her hand over Arizona's and with insurmountable sincerity said, "You seem like you're doing really well, Arizona. I'm so happy for you."

Arizona nodded and let the authenticity of Lauren's sincerity fill her soul. She loved that from the moment they met, Lauren made her feel powerful and desirable. Without hesitation she said, "I also participated in virtual simulation therapy and did a lot of work surrounding residual trauma."

Lauren understood the importance of Arizona's disclosure. Other than the panic attacks, they had never discussed the aftermath of the crash or the amputation. She reached over and lightly caressed the top of Arizona's hand with her thumb and whispered, "I can imagine it was a difficult process."

"It was, but it was rewarding too. I'm impressed with both the EMDR and video simulation therapies available today. I'm equally impressed with Life Wellness and would recommend it highly to anyone suffering PTSD."

Once again Lauren recognized the significance of Arizona's words. She made soft eye contact and with a steady rasp said, "I really appreciate you sharing this with me. I've thought a lot about how much you've been through over the past year and am so impressed at how well you've managed."

"You're the one person who isn't a paid professional who knows the intimate details of my recovery process. It just seems right to share this with you, especially considering the meltdown I had the last time we were together."

Lauren sensed Arizona insecurity over having shown so much vulnerability that night in her hotel room. She wanted her to know that her panic attack wasn't a sign of weakness. She measured her words carefully before saying, "Arizona, you are an extraordinary person and it was a privilege and an honor to be there for you. It took incredible strength to let someone in like you did that evening."

Arizona felt a flood of emotions surge through her entire being. She had let Lauren see the most vulnerable part of herself and she truly had let her in. She wasn't sure if she could have hidden her anxiety from Lauren that evening, no matter how hard she tried, and was glad she didn't. It suddenly occurred to her that talking about her Seattle meltdown was the last thing she wanted to to do in North Carolina. It's time to leave the past in the past, she told herself and changed the subject. "Okay, seriously, enough about me. Tell me about your week. I get the feeling something happened."

Lauren thought back to their first date and remembered Arizona calling her out for asking questions rather than answering them. She wasn't fond of talking about the specifics of youth victim reconstructive surgery, but surrendered to the intuitive Peds surgeon sitting across from her. If anyone would understand the gravity of the situation, Dr. Arizona Robbins would. She took a slow pull from her glass before vulnerably offering; "I was on call with HELP Now last night and performed reconstructive surgery on a teenage girl who suffered multiple facial fractures, missing teeth, a dislocated jaw, a dislocated shoulder and two broken ribs."

Arizona instantly grasped the magnitude of such a particular combination of injuries and could tell Lauren was deeply affected. She intertwined her fingers, leaned forward, brought her thumbs to her lips, and rested heavily upon her elbows. Nodding slowly, she indicated that she understood and let her body language and soft glance communicate her empathy over what she knew in her bones would have been a difficult procedure.

Lauren met Arizona's glance and held it gently for several moments before continuing. "I worked with another surgeon who focused on her shoulder and ribs. He noticed multiple uniform cuts along the insides of her forearms and a few that were recent, so we had to add self-injurious behavior to the CPS report. They would likely see her wounds in an interview anyway, but there's always the larger picture to consider. When they ask her about cutting, there's a chance she will feel shame or blame, which will probably cause her to shut down and/or distrust the system. CPS could choose, for her own safety, to institutionalize her. This is something I really struggle with. In my opinion, a psych ward is no place for a recent victim of violence. Please don't get me wrong, I'm all for intervention, but I want it done in trauma informed way. The last thing she needs right now is to feel trapped, especially when what brought her in was an assault, not SIB."

Arizona contemplated Lauren's awareness. Getting to know her better highlighted her complexity and humanitarianism. She unlaced her hands, placed them in a prayer position, leaned in further and said, "You're an amazing woman, Dr. Boswell."

Lauren felt blood rush to her face and said, "I'm just trying to do my part, that's all, but thank you."

"I'm serious Lauren. It takes a very special person to do what you do. Not a lot of docs are of service like you are, let alone willing to focus energy on the most vulnerable among us."

Lauren opened herself to Arizona's encomium and let her in. "It's a life changing experience, no doubt, but I'm the one who benefits. It's true what they say about giving."

Arizona smiled, knowing Lauren was right. "Are you going to see her again or will a primary take over?"

"She's on a state plan, so she'll have whatever provider is available, but I'll look in on her on my own time. I was thinking I might stop by after I leave here. They have her on some pretty hefty pain meds, and she'll likely be asleep, but I want to see how her wounds are healing. It would be a shame for her to be reminded of the attack every time she looked into a mirror."

Arizona's heart quickened as she recognized Lauren's compassion for others. She took another sip of wine and watched as Lauren visibly shook off the memory of last night's surgery.

"Alright now, enough of the heavy, at least for a little bit, okay? I'm sure there are more pleasurable things we can discuss," Lauren husked flirtatiously.

Arizona raised and eyebrow and titled her head seductively. She appreciated Laurel's phrasing. Admittedly, a large segment of their relationship was based on heaviness, but there were other aspects too, sensuality being one of the high points. "Hmmm, it's too bad we're not alone," she whispered and teased.

Lauren released a slow throaty moan of pleasure indicating she knew exactly what Arizona meant. She too wished for a modicum of privacy. She checked the reflection in the glass behind Arizona's head and could see three men and one woman at the bar. She was fairly certain the bartender was a sister and wasn't worried about drawing her attention, but couldn't trust that the guys would mind their own business if she were to slide into the booth next to her lover and kiss her senseless. She shoved thoughts of Arizona's perfectly shaped mouth aside for the moment and dryly asked, "What about Syria? I know it's heavy, but we really do need to discuss Dr. Avery's proposal before we meet with him next week."

Arizona sighed deeply and put her playfulness in a temporary time-out. Syria was on her list of things she'd hoped to discuss with Lauren that evening, anyway. She considered options and made an offer; "How about we talk about the basics of his proposal and if it feels too heavy, we stop?"

"Deal," Lauren replied and made a hand gesture indicating Arizona should start.

"So, I need to be perfectly honest. The mom in me has reservations about taking on a field position for an extended period of time. I'm not opposed to the training piece, if it could be managed in short increments, but being away from Sofia for months at a time is not an option for me."

"Completely understandable," Lauren said tapping her fingers on the table. There is definitely a level of risk involved and I get not wanting to be away from your daughter. I've been giving this a lot of thought myself and wonder if there is a way to include Doctors Without Borders. It might make sense to employ trainers who have experience working in warzones."

"Bringing DWB in is a good idea, especially if we add our level of skill to their field experience. The hospital currently works with an INGO and we try to take this approach, but funds are often tied up at higher levels and for extended periods of time; which is a huge part of Dr. Avery's motivation for creating a more viable option. Having his mother's foundation on board is key, as she can financially back DWB independent of international regs; regs that quite frankly complicate matters in ways they shouldn't."

"Do you think Dr. Avery would be on board? He seemed pretty focused on the hospital playing a larger role."

"Well, he's interested in learning about the structure I set up in Malawi, which is similar to what you describe. I know his vision includes the hospital creating a sister clinic, but I think once he runs numbers and hears back from the experts, he'll reassess. That's usually the case with any kind of international aid effort. We start as idealists and become realists. Plus, Dr. Avery is the type to overturn every stone, so I think he'll be open to suggestions."

Lauren found the Executive Director in Arizona Robbins incredibly attractive. She couldn't help but feel turned on by her administrative power and intellect. While she wasn't sure she'd ever agree to a position where Arizona was her boss, she was mesmerized by her alpha female energy in the moment.

Arizona noticed the way Lauren was looking at her. She smiled seductively and narrowed her eyes just enough to let Lauren know her thoughts were obvious.

Lauren realized Arizona was on to her and bit her bottom lip. Like a child caught with her hand in a cookie jar she said, "Sorry, your gigantic brain is a huge turn on for me right now."

Arizona laughed and took in the way Lauren's rasp shifted from weary to sensual. Realizing Lauren truly was aroused by her intellect caused Arizona to bite her own lip in response. She surrendered to the moment and her desire to undress Lauren with her eyes.

Lauren knew exactly what Arizona was doing and collaborated by wrapping her long lean fingers around her wine glass and taking it with her as she gracefully made herself comfortable by pressing her back into the booth.

Without breaking eye contact, Arizona ran her fingertip along the edge of her glass before taking a long slow pull. She savored the earthy peppery taste on her tongue and let it linger before swallowing. She imagined licking sweet summer sweat from Lauren's long beautiful neck and lapping pools of spilled wine from the deep crevices above her collarbones.

Lauren noticed the muscles in Arizona's neck move as she swallowed. Her mind wandered back to that morning in her hotel room when she muffled the sounds of her own pleasure by assertively pressing her lips into the tender flesh of Arizona's shoulder. Energy surged to her core. Seeking relief, she lifted one knee to her chest and parted her legs slightly.

Noticing Lauren's subtle movement, Arizona felt pleased. She took great pleasure in the fact that the gorgeous Southerner was willing to engage in a public sexual exchange sans touch. From where she sat, she could see the length of Lauren's long calf muscle and let her mind drift back to the afternoon when she returned soaking wet from her run. The memory of her flexed tibialis and femoris muscles brought to mind the instant she gained intimate knowledge of Lauren's physical strength. The thought of Lauren using her strong physique to grind her center into Arizona's caused her face to flush.

Seeing Arizona's delicate skin change from silky white to unctuous pink stirred Lauren's psyche. She considered inviting Arizona to the nearest women's restroom and then thought better of it. If eye sex was what Arizona wanted, eye sex is what she'd give. She inhaled slowly and imagined pressing the gorgeous blondes entire body into the glass wall behind her, sliding one hand up her snug fitting V-neck and assertively unbuckling her intriguingly masculine belt with the other. She knew she'd find a feminine laced bra underneath the soft fabric of her shirt and warm wet panties inside her flattering stretch denims. She was about to drop to her knees and kiss her way to her lover's sex when Arizona said, "God, you are good at this."

Lauren chortled and replied, "We are good at this, Arizona Robbins; **_WE_** **are.** This is a combined energy thing that happens between us."

"Yeah, I know what you mean," Arizona whispered.

Lauren reached her long leg across the table, touched the side of Arizona's foot with her own and said, "At some point, we need to talk about the intensity of our sexual connection. It doesn't have to be now, but I'd like to before we get alone in a room together again. We have a tendency to get swept away, which I'm fine with personally, but I need you to be fine with, as well."

Arizona knew exactly what Lauren was saying. Without hesitation she replied, "Yeah, I've been thinking about the whole taking things slow bid that I made. I'm not sure I'm in the same place today, as I was then. I mean, I feel incredibly strong and clear right now and the thought of being overwhelmed by our sexual attraction isn't as scary to me as it once was."

Lauren smiled and nodded slowly. She then looked deeply into Arizona's piercingly blue eyes and offered, "That's good to hear, because the one thing I can't seem to do around you is tamper my desire."

Arizona thought back to the days when all she and Lauren were guilty of was harmless flirtation. She realized her time at LW brought her no closer to knowing the actual reason she was unfaithful to her spouse. It suddenly occurred to her that perhaps she didn't need to know. It was what it was. She vowed, right then and there to leave the past in the past and quit searching for an answer. Lauren raised an important topic, however, and one she wanted to expound upon. Quietly she admitted, "Before I was married, I dated a lot of women. I wasn't a player, as they say, because it wasn't all about sex, but it was nice on those rare occasions when someone I dated kept sex and emotions separate. Back then, I needed things to be simple so that I could maintain my independence. I think you and I are similar in that we both crave sexual intimacy, yet need a high level of emotional freedom."

Lauren took time to consider her response before confessing, "Yes, I think we're alike in this way. I prioritize autonomy in any relationship I'm in and find it difficult to date women who do not differentiate between sexual intimacy and love. I don't think that make me less emotional in any way, but I tend to compartmentalize my feelings in a way I don't with sex."

Arizona raised her glass and said, "Cheers to our similarities."

Lauren brought her glass to Arizona's and drained it of its content before speaking from her heart. "I need you to know that my attraction for you is different from what I've experienced in the past. That night in the NICU, when I told you how much I liked you, I shared a deep truth. After, when I left and kept my distance, I found myself thinking about you constantly. I realized that I liked you a little more than I should have, given the circumstances at the time. It took me awhile to adjust to the feeling of missing you all those months. I say this not because I want you to reciprocate my feelings, but because I don't want to be in a position where I'm forced to stay away again. I think we should make a deal that if you start to feel overwhelmed by our sexual connection, you'll let me know. The more we get to know each other, the greater the chances of getting hurt. I don't want this to happen and certainly not because of a breakdown in communication."

Arizona fully understood Lauren's request and why she made it. She was capable of hiding many things and Lauren knew this. Arizona also knew to be careful making promises. She measured her words carefully and said, "I'm still sorting through a lot of what happened in my marriage, just as I'm learning all over again how to navigate the world around me. I don't have a lot of answers yet, but I do know one thing and that's this: I find it quite easy to share my feelings with you and I will do my best to communicate openly as we move forward."

Lauren titled her head and smiled, "I can't ask for more than that. Thank you."

Arizona was about to make a request of her own when her phone vibrated. She'd set an alarm to go off twenty minutes before her flight was scheduled to board, just in case they lost track of time. She pulled the vibrating object from her pocket and said, "I can't believe how quickly this evening has gone by!"

Lauren looked visibly disappointed and refrained from sharing her wish that Arizona could stay the night.

Feeling assertive, Arizona lifted herself from the booth and took Lauren by the hand. She craved a goodbye that involved more intimacy than the wine venue would allow. She led them toward the stairs and searched for a quiet place along the way where they could have a few minutes alone. It didn't take long for her to find the perfect spot.

Lauren smiled as Arizona pulled her into a dark cubical that probably once served as a video arcade, but now housed vending machines filled with corn syrup and fried starch.

Arizona led Lauren to the back of the room, slid her fingers into the front pockets of Lauren's jeans and simultaneously pulled her forward as she backed herself against the wall.

That they were in the exact same position Lauren fantasized about earlier did not escape her. She inhaled deeply, placed a hand on each side of Arizona's face and smiled tenderly before bringing her lips to hers. She tasted wine, peppermint flavored gloss and something uniquely Arizona. She kissed her slowly and meaningfully, savoring every sensation.

Arizona focused on the softness of Lauren's lips and welcomed her explorative tongue. Lauren's delicate oral ministrations caused a throaty moan to escape her being and she felt blood rush to her core. She tugged assertively at Lauren's jean pockets and disappeared all space between their bodies.

Lauren's shuttered at the sound of Arizona's husky moan. She felt sexual heat and physical need rise between them yet remained mindful of where they were and what time it was.

Arizona felt Lauren's control over the situation and was relieved. They were in a public space, after all. She relaxed into the kiss and ran her palms up and down Lauren's defined forearms.

Lauren was glad Arizona had removed her hands from her pockets. The sensation of her fingertips that close to her already swollen clit was making it difficult for her to maintain control.

Arizona took in every sensation available to her. Lauren's taste and smell, Lauren's softness and strength; Lauren's confident touch and presence of mind; Lauren's restraint and openness. Tearing herself away was not easy, but she did so gracefully and just in time to arrive at her gate before boarding calls.

Lauren watched as Arizona disappeared down the jet way. She could still feel the sensation of her body pressed against Arizona's and smiled outwardly as her lover's pleasure-filled throaty moan resounded in her head. She inhaled deeply and felt amazed by the impulsive, intuitive and delightfully curvaceous blonde Goddess who surprised her by flying in for a glass of wine.


	15. Chapter 15

Three and a half months later

The aftermath – Chapter 15, Transition

I do not own these characters. They belong to Grey's Anatomy and Shonda Rhimes. Actually, strike that, Dr. Streifland belongs to me.

Arizona awoke to the sound of her alarm. She'd set it to go off an hour earlier than usual. Her intent was to pay homage to the day by writing in her journal. It wasn't a day that held significant meaning to others. It wasn't a national holiday or anyone's birthday, but it was a day that meant a great deal to her, as a woman and as a survivor of a near-death plane crash. Exactly one hundred days earlier, Dr. Arizona Robbins had finished a five-day inpatient stay at Life Wellness Trauma Center in Big Sur, took a round trip flight to North Carolina, and reclaimed a personal power she thought was lost to her forever.

Padding softly toward the kitchen, Arizona noticed the quality of light entering the West facing windows of her apartment. Another extreme storm was definitely on the horizon. She shook her head. She wasn't being political when she wondered how anyone could deny the fact that global warming exists, she was simply baffled by the ability to negate the obvious.

Deciding it was prudent to check the weather, she reached for the remote and turned on the small television she kept on the kitchen counter. Pleased to find the station set to local access, she filled the kettle. With her back to the screen, she heard the voice of Amy Goodman say; "The Obama administration is considering launching unilateral air strikes against Syria after British lawmakers voted against the use of force. Pentagon officials said the Navy has moved a fifth destroyer into the eastern Mediterranean Sea."

Goodman's words caused a series of questions to race through Arizona's mind. She immediately thought of all the work she, Lauren and Dr. Avery had done to create mobile ER clinics equipped with field docs trained to meet the needs of tiny humans. She knew that what they accomplished would have only a small impact in Syria, yet took comfort in the idea that their efforts would bring some form of relief. Increased military intervention, however, that was beyond anything her mind could comprehend. It took a lot of energy for a daughter of a Navy Colonel to be both pro-military and antiwar.

As Arizona watched tap water run over the sides of the kettle, she felt helpless. A part of her wanted to call her father and discuss what it might mean for the US to move in unilaterally, yet a larger and more dominant part of her didn't want to know.

The barefoot PEDS surgeon closed her eyes and inhaled slowly. As she turned off the tap, she focused on the inner calm she'd found over the past three and a half months and wondered if Lauren had heard the news. She considered calling, then remembered something she'd learned long ago about letting bad news wait until the last possible moment. She'd listen for Lauren's call, and in the meantime, she'd write.

_Journal Entry Day 100_

_I can't believe it has been 100 days since I left LW. So much has happened. I know I've lapsed in writing, so I'll put pen to paper and summarize what the past three and a half months have been like. I also need to acknowledge that the people of Syria weigh heavily on my mind at this moment and I will do my best to stay positive and not let the violence there impact my celebratory overview of the past one hundred days here._

_September 2, 2013_

_I'm amazed by how effective EMDR therapy has been. It's as if a huge weight has been lifted. I haven't had a single panic attack since leaving Big Sur. I've even flew out to visit Lauren and have plans to do so again this weekend. Speaking (writing) of Lauren, things with her have been FANTASTIC! We haven't seen as much of each other as we'd both like, but I can't help but think, on some level, that this is not such a bad thing. It forces us to take things slowly; though the more I get to know her, the more I realize that she truly is the type of person who needs a great deal of autonomy-regardless of how connected she feels to someone. This doesn't mean physically, however. Lauren has absolutely no problem being sexually intimate, and honestly, I find her libido incredibly attractive. I'm so glad we stopped trying to hold back. Quite frankly, I love having sex with her. She's an amazing lover and our chemistry is over the top. She's adventurous, sensual, sexual, uninhibited and able to separate emotions from sex-which is exactly what I need right now._

_Sometimes, I think Lauren and I connect on a sexual level that Callie and I didn't. I'm not saying sex with Callie was bad, it wasn't; in fact it was amazing-only in a different way. What Callie and I had was beyond sexual, which is something I'm starting to grieve. What Callie and I had was love and love that was entwined with great sex. _

_Perhaps Lauren and I are capable of the kind of love Callie and I had, but it's too soon to tell. Then again, Callie's my first love and that's something that can never be undone. More importantly, I'm not ready for it to be. Love, like the love I felt for Callie is far too scary and I'm in no hurry to be that vulnerable again. Love, like the love Callie and I had, was way too consuming for me as an individual. It made me do unbelievable things-like leave Africa and become a mother, none of which I regret (though they were never part of my life plan and yet two of the best decisions of my life). I'm not writing this to up-play my previous relation with Callie, nor down-play my current relationship with Lauren, I'm writing this because time and space has given me clarity. The stronger I get, the more I understand my role in what happened in my marriage._

_I know this will sound strange, but I'm starting to suspect love is an energy that has mobility. If you stop feeding it, it can get up and leave. Crazy, right? Of course, this "theory" of mine introduces a new level of guilt for my mind to sift and sort; pulverize and perseverate; and of course, twist and turnabout. At the same time, it has led me to comprehend something anew. I was so angry with Callie for not saving my leg that I stopped feeding our love, and this made it impossible for love to stay._

_I shared my thoughts of love's mobility with Callie last week. She didn't agree. She said, "Our love is present, it's just buried under anger, betrayal and pain." I didn't know how to respond, but I stayed open and we ended up having an amazing conversation. We talked for nearly an hour, actually. It felt healing and sacred. She thanked me for being open. I told her I was working on not compartmentalizing my emotions. She said she wished we had talked more when we were married and I agreed. I honestly wish we had. _

_I'm grateful for how far Callie and I have come these past few months. I'm also quite relieved she didn't fight my attorney for partial custody. She may be on to something about love still being present._

_Okay, enough of that. I have a lot to process around Callie and our conversation and I plan on doing that with Dr. Streifland tomorrow morning. I haven't seen her in a while and I think she'll find the conversation with Callie very interesting. She will also be glad to hear that my rights as Sofia's mother have been acknowledged. Having Sofia every other weekend and every Wednesday night has been INCREDIBLE! And the relief around having a legal document in place that guarantees my rights as her mother is indescribable. It will take some time to explain to Dr. S. why our divorce hasn't been finalized and how our attorneys are still sorting the details of the settlement and the purchase of the hospital, but that's okay. She'll get that sorting the legalities of a divorce that wasn't deemed legal by the state is confusing for everyone. _

_On other fronts, work had been good. It feels great to be back in the swing of things and it's impressive that the board was in full support of the Syria project. It's been difficult adjusting to what happened with Richard, though. It will take time to fully heal; we all recognize this._

_As for my every day well health? I've been climbing twice a week and ordered a new prosthetic with a smaller foot that will make climbing even more enjoyable. I never imagined I could get so much out of tying onto a rope and climbing a wall. Who knew it would help me feel physically and emotionally balanced? Climbing has affected my ability to stand at the operating table and given me courage to believe I can do just about anything. Two things for which I'm grateful in ways words cannot express. _

Arizona heard the last two sentences echo over and over in her mind. She rested her journal in her lap and let the words resound freely. In her heart of hearts, she knew she would not have been able to express such gratitude without doing every ounce of emotional work she had done over the past six months. She returned to the page and was about to write about transformation when her phone rang. The personalized ringtone indicated the caller was Lauren. She put the pen between the fold and closed her journal gently before resting it on the end table beside her. Taking one last sip of coffee, Arizona smiled at the memory of meeting Lauren, then padded back to her bedroom. She'd missed the opportunity to answer, but knew that she could simply dial the numbers and Lauren would pick up. It was their pattern. Over the past few months, they'd created ways of being together that each could rely upon.

Arizona took a moment to consider Syria and Lauren's commitment to working with victims of violence before dialing. She wondered if this new development would push Lauren toward a field position. She planned to broach the subject lightly and knew that if she had the chance to dissuade her, she would. She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. As she did, an image of her brother's face flashed in her minds eye. Tim was injured in a war-zone and because there was a shortage of field docs, he died there. Once again, Arizona felt torn. Being pro-military and anti-war was and impossible place to be. She knew Lauren would understand. She found it comforting that her lover shared her views. She said it was from growing up in the South and living so close to a military base, but Arizona suspected there was more.

She felt a tingling sensation ascend her spine and dialed.

To be continued.


	16. Chapter 16

The Aftermath, Chapter 16 – Gratitude

I do not own these characters. They belong to Grey's Anatomy and Co.

"Hey you."

Arizona felt her body respond to Lauren's now familiar sensual drawl. She couldn't help but smile. She would see Lauren in only a few days and felt an excited longing for both her touch and her easy-going nature. In a soft whisper she replied, "Hey, I'm so glad you called. How are you?"

Lauren slowly absorbed the sound of her lover's voice. Arizona Robbins had an incredible affect on her psyche. It amazed her how much she enjoyed their conversations and time together. "What can be better than starting my day off with the sound of your voice, a surprisingly good cup of hospital coffee, and a huge dose of Georgia sunshine?"

Arizona cherished Lauren's charm. At the same time, she detected a slight rasp in her delivery. Knowing her lover well, she intuited correctly that her lithe companion had been up most the night. She knew all about sinus/facial reconstructive surgery Lauren was scheduled to perform the night before, and she knew Lauren was concerned the patient's immune system was severely compromised, which could cause complications during recovery. "How did the surgery go?" she asked gently.

"It went really well, thanks. I think she'll make a full recovery. Her vitals are good and she's showing no sign of infection, at this point. I'm feeling confident for her."

"Did you sleep in an On-Call room or stay by her side?"

Arizona's inquiry made Lauren smile. The conversation of her sleeping in On-Call rooms had recently come up. She took it as a sign that Arizona was feeling less guilt. "I caught a few hours of sleep down the hall, but I spent the majority of my time in Recovery."

Arizona closed her eyes imagined Laurel sitting by her patient's bedside. As she did, her mind wandered back to their first night together and Lauren's request that she show her to an On-Call room. At the time, she was completely aware of the fact that she and Lauren were having two conversations. One focused on the craniofacial surgeons desire to stay close to the Sim's baby, should anything happen; while the other glistened with opportunity to deepen their connection. With absolute clarity, she remembered every moment of the walk from the nurse's station to the room in which they first kissed. She could hear the sound of torrential rain beating against the windows and see lightening flashing across the sky. She watched her strong milky white fingers reach out and clasp the door handle and without hesitation swing the door open wide for Lauren to enter. She saw herself, as if from above, step back slightly to invite the tall, fit and incredibly intriguing doctor to walk through first. She did not follow; for she knew full well what could happen had she neither the strength nor will to resist.

Just as it did that night, the sound of Arizona's own heartbeat filled her ears. Her sensing body relived the memory, as if she were there once again. Without consciousness, she slid her hand under her shirt over her breast, paying extra attention to her nipple; then gently massaged her breastbone and collarbone, making circular patterns with her fingertips as she did.

Arizona's sudden arousal caused her to consciously stop the thought. The rest is history, she thought. Everyone knew she and Lauren had sex that night. The fallout was devastating. Words were said and responses were given that she will never forget. In moments of anger, Callie called her a slut. She even did so in front of Sofia, though fortunately she spelled each letter. At work, Alex offered her nonjudgmental support and kept her secret. Later, when Dr. Avery put two and two together, he never once showed negativity or self-riotousness toward her, or Lauren. His actions reminded of her that some people really do respect the fact that no one ever really knows what demon another person battles.

One thought led to another and Arizona's mind grasped something she'd contemplated often over the past six months. When she was young and much more active in the lesbian community, she often endured judgment from acquaintances for not buying into picket fence fantasies around lifelong monogamy. She'd found herself explaining, far too often, that while lifelong monogamy wasn't for her, she didn't place judgment on others for wanting it. She remembered being taken aback at being considered a player. In her mind, it just didn't fit. Player's were about conquering and notching belts. She never led a woman on, nor did she make promises she couldn't keep. She loved autonomy, much like a confident, intelligent, and sexual woman loves sensuality. Later, when she fell in love unexpectedly, she promised monogamy-a vow she didn't keep. Had she the chance to go back and do things differently, she would, but time is not a renewable resource and no one has figured out how to unwind a clock.

"Arizona?" Lauren said with a lilt on the fourth syllable that rang out like a Sangha bell.

"Oh God, I'm sorry," Arizona said realizing she had been completely lost in thought. Her distraction came as quite a shock, given the fact that she had been unusually present over the past few months. "I'm feeling a bit off center right now. Before you called, I was writing in my journal, which is probably part of the reason why I'm distracted, but I'm also extremely taken aback by the latest development in Syria. Have you heard?

Lauren stood to look out the third floor window of Children's Hospital of Atlanta and braced herself. "I haven't. What happened?"

"It can be proven now that chemical weapons were used in Syria."

"Jesus," Lauren whispered.

"Yeah. President Obama plans to intervene with military force, even without global support."" Arizona said softly.

"I'm sorry, but killing people to send a message that killing people is wrong makes absolutely no sense to me!" Lauren fired off.

"I know," Arizona whispered and wondered what her father would think of Lauren's assertion.

"Is there a casualty count yet?"

"I'm not sure, the reports are still coming in."

"This puts a whole new spin on our mobile ER clinics, doesn't it? How can we effectively treat victims of chemical warfare? And, even if we could, there's no way to make it safe for anyone to be in the region? I wonder if they've evacuated entire communities, yet?"

"I was wondering the same thing."

"God, this is almost beyond comprehension," Lauren said as she walked toward the coffee kiosk hoping to locate a daily paper or screen with a ticker.

"It just seems so dangerous," Arizona whispered; then more assertively added, "I think we need to meet with Dr. Avery as soon as possible and evaluate and reevaluate our approach. We're going to need to be absolutely certain we can guarantee everyone's safety if we are going to contract field docs for our MERCs."

Lauren took time to process Arizona's words. Chemical warfare was far more critical than anything their mobile clinics could handle; yet she knew in her bones that there were hundreds, if not thousands, of affected children, women and elders outside the warzones who needed help. It was becoming obvious that in order to gain a clear understanding of what was happening on the ground, she, or she, Arizona and/or she, Arizona and Dr. Avery would need to see for themselves. The reports from the development team they deployed did not exemplify a clear picture.

Lauren decided to wait until the weekend to share this thought with Arizona. She knew her lover's hesitation to going to Syria and wanted not just to hear them again, but read her body language, as she spoke. She was about to suggest they carve out time over their weekend to discuss when her beeper went off. Reaching down and seeing 911 made her heart skip. "Arizona, I'm sorry. I'm needed in Recovery, ASAP."

"Yeah, go, we can talk later. Text me, okay?"

"I will," Lauren said and turned on a dime toward a group of nurses all running in the same direction. Before she hung up, she said, "I can't wait to see you."

"I can't wait to see you," Arizona replied softly, revealing a sense of excitement that could be read on the other side of the nation.

"Take care."

"Uh hmm. You too."

Arizona gently placed her phone on her bedside table and walked toward the window. She could see a greenish hue cover the skyline and thought of Lauren's reference to Georgia sunshine. She craved such weather and hoped the current storm wouldn't delay her flight. She wished their discussion about Syria hadn't been cut short, but knew they'd pick it up again in the next few days. She suspected Lauren would want to see for herself what the situation was like on the ground before making any big decision about future steps. In her heart of hearts, she did not want Lauren to go to Syria, but knew she had no claim over her. Then she questioned her assumption and under her breath asked, "Or do I?"

Arizona considered the intimacy she and Lauren shared. Perhaps their connection did give her the right to make certain requests? She didn't know and couldn't be sure. What she did know, however, was she wasn't willing to pretend things were fine if they weren't. This was a mistake she made with Callie-pretending everything was fine, when it wasn't. Lauren also read her in a way Callie never did, so pretending wasn't an option. Fortunately, she felt safe with Lauren and as a result was willing to be open and communicate in a way she couldn't with Callie. She decided right then and there that if she was uncomfortable with Lauren going to Syria, she was going to be truthful and speak up immediately.

Arizona turned from the window and walked across her bedroom, shedding every article of clothing as she did. In the bathroom, she brushed her teeth as the water stream heated then removed her prosthetic and carefully stepped inside the shower. As soft water heat rained down upon her, she called to mind every detail of their last time intimate encounter. She focused on the sensation of Lauren's mouth on her sex and slid her soapy hands where Lauren's tongue had been. She wanted to feel close to her and she wanted to free her mind of Syria. As she increased her rhythmic ministrations, she felt a swirl of energy leave her head and spread throughout her body and intertwine with the heightened sense of awareness that surged throughout her being. She came hard and slow and felt relief long after the waves of pleasure and release subsided.

Stepping from the shower, Arizona caught a glimpse of her wet body in the mirror. She was pleased to see that all the rock climbing and balance exercises were showing in muscle development; especially her stomach and upper body. For the first time since the crash, she had a genuine feeling of appreciation for her body. A leg amputation was something that had happened to her, but did NOT defined her.

Arizona stared into her own sparkling blue eyes in the mirror and remembered something Lael from Life Wellness said about climbing and the possibility for a person to "arrive" in a moment. Arrival was a larger thought than Arizona wanted to embrace, but the fact that she had just caught a glimpse of her body in the mirror and felt genuine love and appreciation brought tears to her eyes. Suddenly she felt grateful. Grateful for her health and bodies response to touch; grateful for her gorgeous daughter and nonjudgmental friends; grateful for her keen intelligence and perseverance. Yes, there was pain on the planet, and yes it was everywhere, but she felt proud of the fact that she was doing her part to help alleviate some of it, in the small way she could. She, Arizona Robbins, had grown into the woman she'd always imagined she could be. Yes, she had a failed marriage, but this was nothing unusual for her generation. And, even though she often felt she was being unfairly held to a higher standard simply because she was a woman married to a woman, she didn't give the thought extra energy. Her indiscretion didn't make her evil, nor did it make her a slut, unfit mother, or wicked nasty bitch, like some might suggest. Her infidelity made her human, simply human-nothing less, and nothing more. Human.


	17. Chapter 17

The Aftermath, Chapter 17 – Aggressive Stranger

I do not own these characters. They belong to Grey's Anatomy and Co.

Arizona awoke to the sound of a light, yet persistent knocking. She told herself she was dreaming and rolled away from the sound of knuckles on wood. Sadly, the rapping hastened. Baffled, she checked the time. The numbers on her digital clock read 2:18 am. Knowing only good news waits 'til Noon, she reached for her prosthetic and skillfully slid into it. She then grabbed a wraparound sweater to cover her tight fitting T and a pair of running pants to disappeared her boy-cut briefs.

While making her way to the door, Arizona placed her thumb on the Emergency Call button of her phone, just in case. She'd no idea who would be knocking at such an hour; let alone what she'd do if it were an aggressive stranger.

Once near the door, Arizona switched on the light. The instant she did, the knocking stopped. This led her to believe that whomever was on the other side, could either see light pouring through the peephole or streaming under the base of the door. Cautiously, she put her right eye to the miniature magnifying glass. She felt her heartbeat in her throat as she did.

Arizona was both relieved and taken aback to see Callie on the other side of the door staring back at her. The look on her face made Arizona think Callie could see through organic material. Fear suddenly overwhelmed her. She nearly lost her balance as she swung the door open wide and stepped toward Callie, demanding to know if something had happened to Sofia.

Callie, clearly taken aback by Arizona's swift step-in slurred, "Oh no; nothing like that. Sofia is fine. I'm not here about her. I'm here because we need to talk."

Arizona, familiar with Callie's intoxicated cadence, took a brief second to exam her. She looked amazing in her tight fitting jeans, knee-highs, formfitting, cleavage-promoting blouse, and unzipped leather jacket. Then she took a closer look. This time she noticed slightly grayish skin-tone and puffy red eyes, which made her think Callie had been drinking all evening. She's probably just come from Joe's, she thought. Joe's closes at 2:00 am and Arizona knew it took about 15 minutes to walk from there to her apartment.

Relieved to hear no harm had come to their daughter, but simmering in frustration, Arizona blurted, "If Sofia is fine, why are you here?"

"Hmm," Callie said hoarsely, but added nothing more.

Arizona stared her down. In the process, she saw something in Callie's eyes that she hadn't seen before. Something she couldn't identify. Then she realized it wasn't just in her eyes, but the scowl upon her face, and the way she held her shoulders.

Callie, unable to maintain eye contact with Arizona's sparkling blue brilliance, sighed and quietly offered, "Sofia has a sleepover with Zola."

"Okay," Arizona said slowly. She knew Callie hadn't answered her question and felt the simmer start to boil. "I'll ask again. Why are you here?"

"Why am I here?" Callie replied with a low sexy voice that in the past would have given her the upper hand.

Arizona immediately recognized Callie's tone. It stirred something within her, but at the same time, it had less affect than it did in the past. "Callie, come on; it's late. Why are you here?" she husked.

"Like I said, we need to talk."

With an exasperated tone, Arizona said, "Callie, you've clearly had a lot to drink and I'm sure anything you need to say can wait until tomorrow."

Callie, unappreciative of the out Arizona gave her, laughed. It was a tittered expression that came off as dismissive. "You see that's the thing, Arizona. This can't wait until tomorrow. You know why?" Callie said hearing her words run together.

Arizona resigned, leaned against the wooden frame, inhaled mindfully, and whispered, "Why, Callie? Why can't this wait?"

Visibly pleased with Arizona's willingness to engage, Callie smiled and said, "Because I'm drunk enough to put it all out on the table. Everything! Right here, right now."

Arizona, took a moment to consider what was taking place. Her ex-wife was standing in her doorway, in the middle of the night, drunk. She'd dropped by unannounced and had something she wanted to say; something she believed couldn't wait. But, in order for her to say it, she needed to be intoxication.

Over the past eight months, she and Callie had experienced many things. They'd danced the dance of anger; cried more tears than either would have imagined; were wrestled to the ground by mind games, and licked the wounds of heartache and betrayal. They'd tried couples therapy to the point of emotional exhaustion; made compromises neither wanted to make, and shared a deep level of intimacy only partners who lost an incredible love can understand.

Arizona let curiosity make an unruly demand and as a result dismissed her better judgment. With a slow and audible sigh, she stepped aside and waved her hand indicating it was okay for Callie to enter.

Callie didn't hesitate for one second. For lack of a better metaphor, she sprung like a rattlesnake, walked directly to the couch, plopped down, and asked if Arizona had anything to drink.

Arizona smiled inside. She really did have a thing for assertive women. It's what initially drew her to Lauren. She thought back to the morning she and Lauren met and how Lauren took her cup of coffee, tasted it, and made it her own. The memory brought her comfort and she made a mental note to give her attraction to assertive, competent, bossy women real thought one day. She then returned her focus to the situation at hand and said, "Do you really think you need any more to drink, tonight?"

"Yeah, I do. I'm not on the schedule tomorrow and I'm clearly not driving. What's the problem?"

Arizona didn't want to fight, but she did want to know if a drunken Callie would be near their daughter. "Are you staying at the apartment tonight or Meredith and Derricks?"

"I'm staying at the apartment."

Once again, Arizona dismissed her better judgment and went to the kitchen to fetch a glass of wine. She returned with a half full glass, handed it to Callie and slowly lowered herself on the couch beside her ex.

"Thanks." Callie said and took a generous gulp. She tasted the familiar peppery flavor of Arizona's favorite varietal while memories of their time together flooded her senses. She took another large gulp, placed the glass on the table, and turned toward the blonde. After taking in the site of Arizona's curvaceous body, Callie made direct eye contact and said, "I'm so angry with you Arizona. So fucking angry! It's destroying me. I can't seem to move past this. Every inch of my being is angry. Every inch!"

Arizona knew the anger of which Callie spoke. She'd felt the same after the amputation. It consumed her, just like the anger Callie felt now was consuming her. Without thinking, she moved closer to Callie and tried, with soft eyes, to communicate compassion.

Callie read Arizona's look and nodded. "I know you know this anger. I get that now. The only difference Arizona, is you fucking moved on. You moved on and I'm trapped in this state of absolute rage. A rage I can't move past because every time I do, I'm pulled back in by the thought of you fucking Boswell! You fucking Boswell, Arizona! Over and over and over! All these months. You fucking her. Arizona! Not me, her!"

Arizona heard the pain in Callie's voice and without thinking reached out and touched her hand. The second she did, she felt a shift. What followed was something that caught her so completely off-guard that a tiny part of her psyche lifted from her body.

From above, Arizona watched Callie move in quickly, grasp each side of her face, assertively use her upper body to press her back against the sofa, and kiss her hard. Then something else happened; something that caused her psyche to instantly reconnect with her body. She smelled the familiar scent of Callie's arousal comingling with the smell of men's cologne. These two things gave her the presence of mind to push Callie away. And when Callie used her size and strength to clasp onto her hips and try to kiss her again, she was able to turn her head and yell, "Callie stop!"

There was a slight delay between the time Callie heard Arizona say stop and when she actually stopped. After coming to her senses, she felt horrified at what she'd done and loosened her grip. Her realization was sobering, to say the least.

The second Callie let go; Arizona got to her feet and stood well outside of Callie's reach. With a flushed face and anger level dangerously past the boiling, she said harshly, "You need to leave, NOW!"

Seeing the look of rage upon Arizona's face, Callie rose to do exactly as told. "I'm so sorry, Arizona, she said as she stepped away from the couch. She repeated the exact same phrase as she walked toward the door. The third time she apologized was from the doorway. Her voice broke at "I'm," shattered at "so," and nearly disappeared at "sorry."

Arizona was too furious say anything, let alone make eye contact or offer forgiveness. She did, however, have enough empathy to refrain from physically pushing Callie out the door, like she wanted.

After Callie left, Arizona stood, frozen, in the middle of her living room for what seemed like an hour. It wasn't until her blood pressure returned to normal that she caught the lingering smell of her ex and someone else's cologne. Her mind instantly wondered what events took place before Callie's arrival that evening. Then something wonderful happened. Arizona consciously and successfully stopped the thought. If Callie was dating someone, or wanted to hook up with random people, it was not only her right, but beyond Arizona's control. What she could control in that moment, however, was what remnants of Callie she allowed to be left behind. Padding quickly toward the shower, Arizona hoped the soapy hot water would wash away the energetic fragments of Callie's physical and emotional intrusion.


End file.
